My boyfriend and I have been together for 4.5 years. We have a wonderful, committed relationship. We have a dog and own a home together (have lived together for 3 years). We have previously discussed marriage, and agree that is something we both want, but we can't seem to reach common ground on what to do for a wedding.
We are at a stage where literally ALL of his close friends are married or engaged, so he is feeling a lot of pressure and it is causing him significant stress. He says that he is in no way opposed to marriage but does not want to have a wedding. He says the main reason he doesn't want a wedding is that he thinks it would make him too anxious. I want a traditional wedding, because I feel the point of getting married at this stage is to celebrate our relationship with our friends and family. I would feel sad and disappointed if we decided just to do a courthouse wedding or elopement.
I have tried to probe a bit deeper regarding what in particular about a traditional wedding makes him anxious but he can't give any specific answers, so it seems to be a more generalized phobia/manifestation of his anxiety. I will say that finances are not the issue. He tends to get upset when I try to discuss this and it's become something we avoid talking about.
My question is how to approach future discussions with him so we can hopefully reach some sort of compromise or at least make a decision one way or the other. I would also appreciate suggestions for alternatives to traditional weddings.
TL;DR: boyfriend doesn't want a wedding and I do, need help approaching how to discuss this so we can reach a compromise
edit: by 'traditional wedding' I am referring to a typical North American wedding with a ceremony (non-religious) followed by a reception attended by family and friends.
Submitted May 05, 2019 at 05:12AM by polarbearglasses http://bit.ly/2WyHaSw
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