My (23M) brother (21M) is planning on proposing to his incredibly problematic girlfriend (22F) of seven months, and I don't think it's a good idea.

My brother entered into his first real relationship in early October of last year. He is incredibly emotionally immature and has been "different" since an incident in 2017. He lost his virginity to a married woman who was a part of my "friend group" and basically caused the group to implode. After he was heavily berated by my family, he became withdrawn and has attempted to put on a very macho face to everyone else. Since this affair, he has resorted to resolving conflict with threats of violence and a general attitude of "You're not my boss," "I'll do whatever I want, because I pay bills here," etc. (For context: my best friend, my boyfriend, my brother, and I live together. "My best friend" is also essentially our sibling, as he has been with us for years.)

This attitude has carried over into interactions regarding his girlfriend. She has been a source of contention since she entered his life. Our sister and everyone mentioned so far find his girlfriend controlling, financially abusive, and paranoid. She does not contribute the same level of financial/emotional/physical support in the relationship that my brother does. Every time they go out, he pays. Every time she wants anything at all, he jumps or gets a guilt trip for not jumping. They fight over the smallest of things, and she is prone to disproportionate fits (she once left our house in tears, because she spilled soup and blamed it on my brother). While a college student, she has the reading level, at best, of an eighth grader. Once our sister criticized his girlfriend for not caring for him when he had e. coli, and she told my brother that our sister was "plotting against her." Additionally, he has converted to some nondenominational church for her and was recently baptized there. This was a point of contention for my sister and me, as we are both gay, and this church explicitly bans queer individuals from being members of the congregation. When we brought this to his attention, he refused to consider membership in another gay-affirming church, of which there are five in our city.

To top this all off, he asked our mother a week or so ago for one of our deceased grandmother's rings, so he can propose to this woman. I don't believe this ring should be used for these purposes, because it is one of the few mementos we have of her; and, I shudder to think what might happen to it if the engagement goes poorly. But that is another topic altogether. What I am concerned with is his insistence that he should marry his girlfriend and so quickly. I once dated someone for three years, and the relationship imploded twenty-four months in. I do not believe he has enough experience to commit to marriage yet, and I think they will be married quickly after the engagement, considering the eagerness of his girlfriend. I'm just trying to figure out what to do in this situation, because it seems to me that this is being rushed into so they can have sex. Her parents otherwise forbid her from doing anything of the sort, and she is watched closely because of it. She even has a 9:00 p.m. curfew at 22 years old.

TL;DR: My brother wants to propose to his paranoid, abusive girlfriend, and I need to figure out how to tell him it's not a good idea.

Do you have any advice, Reddit?

Submitted May 03, 2019 at 10:22PM by young-dumb-n-broke http://bit.ly/2Wq0gdM