My [22/F] mother [46/F] lied about my father [42/M] my whole life. I'm so depressed I don't know what to do. Graduating very soon and I don't even want to go.

I was raised by my mother as my biological father was never in the picture. I didn't see him much after 14 and while I get cards and gifts from my father for all the major events (and my paternal grandparents) he stayed away. I always had angry feelings/emotions around my father, he was never there. I knew him as the guy who wrote nice things in a card and sent me money. That was it.

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The last time I remember seeing my father was when I was 14. We got into a fight about something and I told him I was done visiting with him, I hated him and his whole new life and never wanted to see him again. I protested visiting him and my mom very calmly supported me. After that, an arrangement was worked out and the result was I never saw my father again. My mother held a lot of very negative emotions about my father. He never really paid child support and he was often in court with my mother. The courts consistently screwed my mother over and never adjusted his child support payments and helped us. It's why I majored in women's study and am going into social work. My mother and I scraped by my whole life, my mother always struggled and drinking has become a bigger part of her life. I'm in massive student debt because I took out huge loans to attend a good, albeit private, university. I did it to help women like my mom who've been screwed by the system and so many people in life.

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A couple of weeks ago I got an email from my father who asked about me. He semi-regularly emails, usually photos and things along with an update on his life/his family and a lot of inquiries about me. I haven't generally responded. This time he asked about student debt and if he could help. Selfishly I responded and admitted I was deep in debt. He offered to help and I suggested we meet because I wanted to ask him why he never tried.

Three weeks ago, we met at a restaurant and he was so emotional. He kept touching (holding my arm and hand) me and saying that he missed me. He didn't bring his wife/kids/parents and we talked. It was so odd to see how alike we are. He's a lot taller than I remember. Bigger, too. We talked and he was very funny. We met again on the following day (Saturday) (this was two weeks ago). This time he brought a lot of pictures, papers and all kinds of things. I asked him why he didn't stay in my life and he told me that I hated him. I started to remember how mad I was he wasn't with my mom, how we were unhappy. We rehashed a lot of stories about things that "happened" that he would show didn't happen, or were seriously warped by my mother. It turns out that he & my grandparents paid child support, in advance, every month but my mother had squandered it. We were poor because my mother blew it. When asked why he wasn't supporting her through spousal support, he pointed out she got remarried - she's been married 3 times. The court visits were spurious lawsuits my mother hoped would net more money.

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My father told me that my mother got pregnant after coming on to him knowing he came from money. After I was born, she made it impossible to have time with me and when the courts sanctioned her, she poisoned me, gave me false stories. We wound-up talking for hours, I cried most of it. I've always had issues with my mother who is very sullen, conniving and an addict. A lot of what my father said was absolutely true, he kept hitting the nail on the head. I felt so angry. 8 years I went without a father, my mother's husbands were all forms of abusive, and I attempted suicide at 17. Suddenly I'm being given a lot of information all at once. I had a reunion, I met my father's wife and my grandparents (my father's children weren't present). My grandparents were so happy, my grandmother (who is surprisingly spry and young looking - she looks younger than my mother) held on to me for hours. We looked at photos, exchanged stories. My father and grandparents also said they'd cover my educational expenses.

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This weekend I had a BBQ with my father's family, including his kids. My father is a very stable medical professional and has a beautiful home. His wife is lovely and we got to come together and eat and swim. My step sisters and step brothers are much younger than me but really smart and sweet. I really liked meeting them. I hated to leave them at the end of the day and my youngest step brother gave me a great big hug and a kiss. My grandparents drove me home and took me to the grocery store and stocked me up on food and supplies, including cosmetics. It's so nice to have a stocked fridge.

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When I got home, I basically just cried. I woke up and cried most of yesterday morning. I visited my mother in the afternoon and confronted her with everything. She immediately started to fake cry (think Reese Witherspoon on Friends) and then very calmly admitted that she just plainly hated my father and I should do what she thinks is best. I pointed out flaws in her story and got so mad, but she stayed extremely calm. She said she did what was right and that my father used his money against her. When I said I knew she received child support all along and demanded to know where it went (I used to attend school in clothes that stunk, clothes that had holes and were from Goodwill. I used to receive free food from the school because I missed so many meals... where the fuck did the money go?!). Instead, she responded by saying that if I kept after this, or kept seeing my father, she won't attend my graduation. They "screwed" her and she doesn't think I should have them there.

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I went home and basically cried until I fell asleep. None of my friends know what's going on. I'm so worried about telling them/people around me that I don't know what to say. I don't know where to turn. I'm not even sure what I should do. I'm on campus trying not to cry and every breath feels like it's going to explode out of my chest and into another fit of tears.

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How do I handle this with my mom? How do I handle this with my dad? I'm supposed to vacate my apartment and return to my mother's place until fall. I don't even want to look at her and I have till the end of the week.

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tl;dr my mom got pregnant to use my father's money. She poisoned me against him and for 8 years we didn't speak. We reconnected and I suddenly don't know what to do as everything my mother said was a lie. I'm incredibly depressed and have cried non-stop for a couple of days. I am supposed to move back in with her in a few days.

Submitted May 27, 2019 at 07:45AM by throwawaysadniss http://bit.ly/2W7mGUR