Is it stupid that I (25f) am considering not marrying my fiancee (26f) due to her family/my future in laws?

I would post on r/raisedbynarcissists but I haven't had much success with responses lately. But basically, I was raised by N's and my fiancee's family is also very abusive. So my soon to be N SIL and E BIL somehow had an adoption land into their lap (like a week ago they didn't even want to have a kid and now they have adopted some random infant). It's pretty much complete they just need to do a home study, which even though there's definitely dirt the CPS worker could dig up, my experience with CPS is that they're pretty incompetent/don't care about their jobs and will probably just give them the kid without much investigation.

And I just... lost it. Complete mental breakdown. I had been triggered by her family since I had been in contact with them, but the idea of having to watch a kid go through what me and my fiancee went through growing up just completely devastated me.

And I realized that I might not be able to handle her family. They might be too triggering for my PTSD and I can't handle the constant flashbacks and everything I get when around them.

I tried to share this with my fiancee, but she got really defensive by saying she doesn't hold my family against me and that she feels my family is worse than hers (I disagree, I think I grew up learning far more life skills than her. If anything, contact with her family has shown me that my family could have been much, much worse). Also though I CUT OFF MY FAMILY FOR YEARS and got lots of therapy to work on myself. I am just now SLOWLY reintroducing contact. I have done everything I can to protect her from them, in that I do not let them very far into our lives. I don't think my fiancee is willing to do the same with her family. I think she wants full contact (she says she doesn't, but whenever I mention lessening contact for me she doesn't seem to like the idea. Like I even suggested that maybe I just need to be NC with her family, she should just deal with them exclusively and I just don't but she didn't like that idea).

My fiancee also thinks this is stupid because she thinks every family is abusive and messed up and I won't ever find a perfect family to marry into anyways.

I'm not sure what to do exactly, I just know that I feel like I would be in a much better place mentally without the constant triggers.

Tl;dr: not sure how to cope with in laws, so considering breaking engagement and not marrying into the family. Is this stupid af?

Submitted May 05, 2019 at 08:27AM by glassangelrose http://bit.ly/2Lo0S2l