Background: boyfriend (38m) and I (34f) dated for 9 years. He cheated on me, we split and he dated the girl he cheated on me with for a while. Right after I found out he cheated I went to the point of creating fake social media accounts to stalk her and find out everything I could about her. I was totally obsessed. I kept this up for months after we broke up. Eventually I was able to wean myself off checking all the time and move on.
Four years after we broke up, my ex and I got back together. Things were okay for me- I never snooped online or checked my boyfriend's phone. Until a year later: I thought I saw the girl when I was on my lunch break and I followed her into the department store to see. I can't explain what came over me. I just needed to know if it was her. I still couldn't figure it out so then I checked her friend's Instagrams (the girl's Insta is private) to see if she was wearing the same sunglasses in any of the photos. I know this all sounds crazy. But this was the beginning of my "relapse". A few weeks later, I was on my boyfriend's computer and he had forgotten to log out of his account because when I typed into his browser, the "most frequently searched" bar dropped down and this girl's name was at the top of the list. I was not going to let this slide so back I went into my old habits and checked my bf's entire browser history. For the past 6 months he had been googling this girl, her friends, their Instagrams and he was even checking up on the girl's new boyfriend. This is a topic for another post I guess but when I confronted my boyfriend about it he said he was just checking to see if the boyfriend was okay, idk, it never really got resolved. I think my boyfriend still has feelings for her so I never talked to him about my obsessions.
Anyway, so this is where I am at right now. Since the girl's Instagram is private I check the boyfriend's Instagram to find out what her life is like. I cross reference his friends, look up events, to find pictures of her. Every time I check, I feel like shit afterwards but I still cannot help myself. It's such an addiction, it feels like I got a high when I found out a new piece of info or a photo of her. And then once the "high" has worn off I feel more depressed and self destructive.
I try to remember how I was able to stop myself before, by going cold turkey and untraining my brain to crave these behaviors and redirect my focus to something else. I try to remember how I was able to spend a Sunday at home all day and not once think or want to check up on this girl. But things have changed in my personal life. I lost my job & health insurance, and I just feel completely hopeless. My depression and suicidal thoughts are stronger than ever and I just feel so sad all the time. Any advice you have I would appreciate hearing, thanks.
TL;DR: i can't seem to quit cyberstalking my bf's ex
Submitted May 26, 2019 at 05:30PM by punkin04 http://bit.ly/2W74eM5
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