I (25f) was invited on a trip by a group of guys (20s and 30s men) I'm friends with. Just as a friend. Two of the guys' girlfriends are upset that there's a woman going.

I'm the only woman on my team at work, that's pretty par for the course in my industry. I get along well enough with the guys I work with. I've had some jobs where I was treated different, treated like shit, etc... This is not one of them, the guys I work with are good people. I go out with a group of them on Fridays after work for happy hour, it's always a good time and nobody I work with has ever crossed a line with me, nor I with them. It's just a chance to hang out and shoot the shit for a while at a bar. It's not the whole team that goes out, it's usually a smaller group of 9 guys and me.

It's probably worth mentioning that I'm queer and like 95% interested in women... So like I'd consider a guy if he was somehow super super special and perfect in every way but in reality I'm far more often attracted to women. I've only dated women in my life, and I'm currently casually dating someone. And my coworkers know this, and aren't judgemental or creepy about it at all, they're pretty chill about it.

So, my coworker Jeremy said that the group usually goes out for a long weekend or two at a beach house every summer. Just the group of them, out to drink and hang out and have bonfires and some hiking. And they invited me, and I said I was down to go. I started at my job under a year ago so this was the first time I heard of this.

The beach trip is a week away now, and I've already picked up my share of the supplies (drinks and firewood) and I was looking forward to going.

Yesterday, one of the guys, Sam, asked the group if it was cool if his girlfriend joined. And the rest of the guys said it wouldn't be the same, plus ones never came, it was always a friends trip rather than a couples trip. I didn't really have an opinion either way, but the majority of the group wanted to keep it to just friends. I said I'd be fine with just having a friends' trip, the girl I'm dating isn't too into traveling anyway.

Then, today, Alex said he didn't think he could make it, he was going to stay home with his wife. Everyone was disappointed that Alex couldn't make it, and kind of annoyed he'd cancelled so late.

And just an hour ago, Sam told me privately that the reason he asked about his girlfriend going is that she said she wasn't cool with being excluded after the trip turned from a 'bro' trip to mixed genders. And he said that Alex had also bowed out of the trip because his wife wasn't cool with me being there and her not being allowed.

I was surprised to hear that, I had wished Sam had said that outright from the start. And I'd wished Alex had been honest too. Because then the group could have figured something out.

Sam asked me if I'd stay home from the trip because he wanted to go. And that honestly hit a nerve for me, that he'd do that so backhandedly. Asking me one on one to quietly stay home rather than being upfront with the group. So I told him nah, I'd be going, it's on him to figure out shit with his girl, or with the group. He didn't get to decide to exclude me because he's got relationship issues.

So, Sam told the whole group later that he'd be staying home. And right now, I'm in the awkward position of knowing why the trip's falling apart, and not being sure if I should spill the beans to the whole group.

I know the other 5 guys going would really rather have a trip without couples, so I'm worried if I tell them everything that it'll cause conflict between them and Sam and Alex.

I'm also frustrated with Sam for how he handled things and I don't know if I should tell the whole group what he asked of me.

Can I have some advice? Should I talk this through with everyone or step back and let the chips fall where they may?

tldr - having trouble navigating being a part of a group of guy friends.

Submitted May 03, 2019 at 02:41PM by marblesnmegavolts http://bit.ly/2JcEjLm