I [19M] dated this girl [19F] a few years ago. It was horrible. She was a rebound, I never truly loved her, and certain things about her drove me absolutely crazy (like her teeth and political standpoints and many other things). She was the type of person I typically hated... but I stayed with her. Not only that, I obsessed over her. Her approval meant the world to me and I was in every sense, fixated. She was also just as obsessed with me. It was a bad combination.
I want to be very clear that I never had much of an emotional connection to this girl, or loved her, what I felt was an extremely unhealthy obsession/fixation. We were on and off and everytime we were off, the breaks were bad. All my friends hated me with her. I hated me with her. But I kept going back.
At the time I told myself I kept going back because I was scared of being alone, and anyone was better than someone. But then, amidst one of our “offs” my best friend [20F] of two years and I started dating. My best friend and I have this emotional connection and I am without a shadow of a doubt in love with her. It’s healthy. When we finally got together after all of the romantic tension between us, it should’ve been my happily ever after...
But then the unhealthy ex popped back into my life. Seeing her again was so strange. It was like I was reminded of all the unhealthy obsessive thoughts I had had before. I had absolutely no reason to want this girl anymore as I was beyond happy dating my best friend, but those obsessive thoughts slowly came back. While this weird fixation for this other girl came back, my feelings for my best friend/gf never diminished. I still loved her more than anything and she was still my top priority... but now these obsessive thoughts were present too.
I was honest with my girlfriend about how I was feeling and eventually I cut my unhealthy ex out. My best friend and I are still dating (going on 2 years now) but from time to time she questions why it was that I got obsessed with this previous ex even though we were together.
I DO NOT want anyone assuming that I was still in love with my ex as I am 100% certain I never loved her to begin with and that it was always unhealthy. I more than anything want to know why these unhealthy obsessive thoughts came back when I was in a loving relationship. If anyone could give some insight that'd be really appreciated.
TL;DR i had an unhealthy relationship where we were properly obsessed with each other. Broke up the relationship. Started a healthy relationship with my best friend. Unhealthy ex comes back into my life and i slowly became fixated on her again (not romantically). Just want to see if anyone has any idea as to why this might've happened.
Submitted May 04, 2019 at 05:05PM by throwaway1948388583 http://bit.ly/2H21wyz
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