My boyfriend and I have been together since high school. We live together and have for 7 years. I recently brought up the idea of marriage and he surprised me with his response. In the fall, I brought it up for the first time and he said he hadn't thought of it. So I brought it up again today and he said he can't even imagine getting married because it makes the "noose even tighter" and the fact that I didn't want him to study abroad makes him question us.
When we first started dating, he was very much into me and we talked about marriage and kids lots. He talked about the ring he would get me, what our wedding would be like, etc. I am a very romantic person and I am so excited to be married and to be a mom, and I am very open about this. I have brought up marriage many times from then until now, but he never gave me an answer and would just leave the room and makes himself scarce.
Fast forward to recently, he wanted to study abroad but we discussed that this would be difficult financially and on our relationship as I want to start saving for a home, wedding, and kids. I thought we had a mutual understanding of this all, but ends up he's resenting me for it and blames me for him not going. Even worse, his parents do as well and have humiliated me infront of his family saying "you just can't be apart from him can you. If you had this opportunity wouldn't you take it? You need to consider what is best for him." This has resulted in a lot of conflict ever since. So, when I brought up marriage today, he said he questions our relationship because I wouldn't let him go study abroad.. for this reason, he doesn't want to get engaged to me anytime soon. But the thing is, will he ever be ready then? What will change in a year or so to make him feel otherwise? I feel anxious because I feel like I can't state my concerns or else he won't take our relationship to the next level.
I am completely ready for marriage right now, but he just won't commit. I am so tired of waiting and hassling him about marriage. I always thought someone would be so excited to marry me and it would be a surprise, but instead I am fighting him for something I want so badly in life. I am worried that when he finally does propose, if he does, that it won't be special anymore. I feel like I will question whether or not he actually wants to I get so upset when our friends who have been together for less time than us get engaged because I want it so badly but I just can't have it. I love him so much and want to spend my life with him, but I feel like he doesn't want to commit and it's killing my confidence. I don't feel important or special at all... Which is embarassing.
Has anyone else had a similar experience to this? Does anyone have any advice on what to do. I don't know if I am being way too harsh on him, but I don't want to pressure him so much into this, but I'm also tired of waiting and wasting my time. He should just tell me if he doesn't want to be with me.
Thanks to everyone for your responses. I greatly appreciate it!
TL:DR : after 9 years of being with my boyfriend he doesn't want to discuss marriage because it will make him feel even more tied down. He wants to study abroad/travel by himself and feels that I am holding him back. How can I get through to him? I am beyond ready for the next level of commitment, but I feel like we are on seperate pages.
Submitted May 06, 2019 at 10:15AM by satincare http://bit.ly/2J8eBbM
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