Together 3 years. Before we met, I was very…free with my phone. I didn’t have a passcode, I’d have WhatsApp/Facebook/Google open on my laptop, my email always logged in, etc. My gf was the one who told me I should put a password on my phone for security reasons, but she had me tell her what the password was and the reason behind choosing those numbers (dog’s birthday, childhood home address, whatever). She also added her fingerprint to my phone.
At first it was fine; she’d only use my phone to take pictures or look something up if it was closer than her phone, if I got a message and my hands were dirty I’d ask her to see who it was from. Oh also I should mention that she told me her phone’s password but I would forget it within 2 seconds and even if her phone is closer I’ll still get up to use mine.
I don’t know exactly when it started, but whenever she saw me on my phone she will, without fail, ask “Who ya texting?”. Sometimes I’m not even texting, I’m just looking at the weather or adding something to my to-do list or grocery list. If I am texting I’d tell her who “Mom”, “Friend A”, “Sister”, but then she’d ask me what I’m texting them about! I have to tell her about my conversation and then we have a whole conversation about my conversation with someone else. It drives me bananas!!! I would get annoyed and then my gf would get annoyed because she’s “just curious” or she’s “just interested in my life”.
Maybe a year or a year and a half in is when she started to take my phone to read my messages or she’d look over my shoulder to read my texts or she’d check my phone herself and say “hey your mom texted” and when I go to read it she’ll ask me what the text was. She would also read my emails (I have email penpal), and if looking at photos would swipe one too many times (and question me/get upset if she sees a photo I took/received that I didn’t show her before). Sometimes she would ask for permission to read a text/email but she gets angry if I say no.
After a certain incident (it involved a wrong number text, Instagram snooping, and waiting until I was asleep to take my phone) I changed the password to my phone and deleted her fingerprint. That was maybe a 3 day long fight that followed. Her saying all this stuff like I didn’t trust her, she needed the password in case I died. I did eventually get worn down and told her my new password (and the number’s significance) but I changed it the next day.
She has not attempted to go onto my phone since then (more than a year ago) but she always tries to read over my shoulder. Always asks me who I’m texting. Always asks me what I’m talking about. Asks me if a certain person has messaged me lately. Watches my last online status and makes a comment if I’m online and didn’t text her. Questions me if I take my phone with me to the bathroom. Even though I have nothing to hide, I am very on edge every time she uses my phone because I think she’ll find SOMETHING to get mad at me for. Every so often she’ll ask me if I’ll ever give her access to my phone (and gets upset when I say no since it’s been so long). I’ve stopped using my phone at home because I see red every time I hear “who ya texting? Hm? Hello? Who ya texting?”. My friends now know that I go dark and don’t reply to their messages after 5:30pm on weekdays.
I honestly have no idea what to do, if I’m being unreasonable, if my gf is the one being unreasonable. Something as dumb as a phone should not be stressing me out so much but it really does. I do not want to give her back access to my phone, it's something I am no longer comfortable with at all. She seems to think that if enough time goes by where she proves herself trustworthy, then she'll get that access back.
TL;DR: My girlfriend and I seem to have different definitions for privacy. I got sick of her snooping and comments so I took away her access to my phone. She still tries to get as involved as possible with my communication on the screen and it's driving me so crazy that I don't even text in front of her anymore.
Submitted April 02, 2019 at 06:50AM by OrneryYogurtcloset0 https://ift.tt/2OCVaI3
No comments:
Post a Comment