Sorry if the title is click baity, but honestly it's been weighing heavily on my mind. FYI if it matters I'm 27 and my husband is 34.
TL;DR grandma babysits, for some reason neglects baby in favor of doing "paperwork" because she thinks baby has bonded enough, how to politely talk about this?
Some backstory first: My husband's grandma babysits our 8 month old daughter, usually twice a week but sometimes just once depending on my work schedule. This is usually only for maybe 4 hours at a time, nothing too lengthy. I have a close friend who also offers to babysit but explicitly refuses any payment so I'm hesitant to use her too much. Grandma asks for gas + lunch compensation usually.
I should also state that grandma is EXTREMELY protective of baby and demands we don't let anyone babysit besides her. So we are in no way forcing this on her. I'll admit that it's convenient since it's not as expensive as a regular unrelated sitter, but we are still paying maybe $40/week in gas and $10-20/week in food. A sitter would be at least $80-$100/week in our area if not more.
Additionally, grandma lives alone in a decent quiet house, but comes to our apartment to babysit.
Now onto what I'm struggling with: yesterday I came home to relieve her from sitting for only 3 hours. I had left 2 bottles + baby food in the fridge, even though baby should only have gone through 1 bottle and the food during the 3 hours. The other bottle was for later. Grandma went through all the bottles and the food which is super irregular for baby since her eating schedule is pretty predictable since her teeth have started coming in. When I asked grandma what happened, she said baby was fussing (again, since she's teething). I said when she's fussy lately, she just wants to be held. Grandma said "well that won't work for me because I can't get any of my work done."
She brings in a giant rucksack of "paperwork" that she does while sitting sometimes, but she's always explained it as a way to pass the time during naps. Never something she explicitly NEEDS to do.
I honestly didn't respond to that because it ruffled my feathers. She then continued and said, "besides, she's 8 months old. She's had plenty of bonding time. She understands now when I have to give her an extra bottle to get my work done."
I told her I didn't like that because it's not a matter of understanding if the baby is in pain due to her teeth and wants comforting. I said goodbye cordially and helped her get ready to go home like I always do. She didn't respond and changed the subject.
I called my husband about it and his idea is to just reduce her time sitting down to just one day for sure. I don't think this will help, and I can't stand the idea of my baby basically being ballooned up on milk so she'll shut up when she just wants to be held even if it's just one day a week. If I already know my baby is being ignored, why not just send her to daycare where the odds of that happening are still there but arguably lower?
Given grandma's history, she'll grill me on why I only need her once a week. She'll also grill me if we drop her entirely.
I think the best course of action is to talk about it, maybe having my husband doing so since it's his grandma. I don't mind either way. But, contrary to reddit's favorite thing, I don't want to go scorched earth.
What I'm struggling with: how to politely but firmly word this. I disagree with her coming to babysit but only ignoring my baby for outdated paperwork and reading that she absolutely can do at her house. I don't ask her to do ANY housework or dishes. All I ask of her is to love our baby girl. Shoving her full of food so she shuts up isn't loving to me.
Also, if I do drop grandma entirely after all, my friend will scold me if I do end up paying for daycare. She wants to sit because she absolutely adores babies and wants to get into childcare/development, and she also simply wants to help me for free since I helped her get a job. She's honestly an amazing sitter and I've tried and failed to force payment on her. She doesn't drive. What are some other ways I can compensate a friend for their time?
Edit: Update, I'm meeting with my friend on Thursday to set a more concrete sitting schedule with her and genuinely try to find out how I can return her kindness. Grandma isn't scheduled to watch baby until next Monday, at which point we'll have something else worked out instead.
Submitted April 02, 2019 at 07:29AM by traumstdu https://ift.tt/2TSbSUC
No comments:
Post a Comment