My [21F] boyfriend [26M] apologizes for literally everything and it’s starting to get concerning / somewhat annoying.

My boyfriend is... ‘strange’, for lack of better words. Not in a bad way, just he has his little harmless quirks and I don’t have a problem with any of them. It’s all part of what makes him as a person and I love him, quirks and all.

Although one thing he does (that has started to become more frequent) is his apologizing. It’s not like this is a new thing, but it’s starting to bother me and I feel awful for snapping at him whenever he apologizes.

Like I said, it’s not a new thing. We met online (he used to live in the Netherlands) and we were talking for a few years before he came to visit me. The first thing I said when I saw him was something like “wow you’re taller than I thought you would be” (not word for word but something like that... he’s 6’1) and his immediate response was to apologize?

I dunno. I thought it was cute and I assured him that it was fine and that he doesn’t have to apologize for his height ? A little strange, but cute.

He would apologize for things that he really doesn’t have to apologize for. Like something that happens frequently would be when we’re on a date and he’d have to use the bathroom. He’d apologize, excuse himself, give an explanation, apologize again, do his business, come back, and then apologize again.

Like. He doesnt have to apologize for using the bathroom, much less apologize 3 times. I already explained to him that he doesn’t have to apologize so much (or apologize at all) for taking care of a basic human need and he’d just go “oh. sorry.”

It’s starting to get a little frustrating. Fast forward a few years and we now live together (in an apartment) and oh my gosh he apologizes so much for little to no reason.

Like I’d just. Point out little things. Not in an angry / annoyed or accusing tone, just as an observation. Like “oh, you ate the last cookie” or “its your turn to make dinner tonight” would result in a bunch of apologies, “it’ll never happen again op”, etc. etc.

It bothers me because his apologies are 100% genuine. You can tell he feels really bad even though there’s nothing to be sorry about.

It’s something my parents / sister has noticed too apparently. They weren’t bothered by it, just a little concerned, asked if he was okay. My sister joked that if she didn’t know me / how our relationship is, she would assume that I’m abusing him or something.

I don’t know if this is related, but he tends to get startled easily. He’d flinch / jump if I make any sudden movements (and then apologize for it). Whenever I ask him if he’s okay, he’d say that he’s fine, apologize for worrying me etc.

I can’t tell if I’m annoyed or concerned. Like, I’m kind of concerned at this point because now its beginning to be a bit much, but annoyed because I really don’t understand what’s going through his mind, why he feels that he has to apologize so much.

We never fight, I don’t raise my voice at him, I don’t hit him. All of these things (the apologizing, the flinching) has been there since the start of our relationship, only it’s been getting worse. He won’t talk about it. He always says that he’s fine:

tl;dr: my boyfriend excessively apologies, and flinches / jumps whenever i make any sudden movements. its starting to be a bit much but I don’t know what to do.

Submitted March 27, 2019 at 02:58PM by throwaway18374294793 https://ift.tt/2FHkwlf