TL;DR: My girlfriend will tell me I'm doing something wrong/doesn't like something I'm doing. I change my ways. Years later she will randomly change her mind, say not to pay attention to what she said before since she's a different person now. I can't seem to get over what she said in the first place so I still do it my changed way. I also don't know what things she has changed her mind on and what she hasn't.
My girlfriend and I have been together for 4ish years and moved in together after 10 months. Over the first couple of years, she would tell me things that she liked and disliked – things you learn about someone when you’re living together or just around each other for a while.
Some of these can be small things such as: How to open a can (there’s apparently a wrong and right way?), a jumper or shirt that she doesn’t like on me, the way I have my computer icons set up, how I wore my socks… There are way more, but of course now that I’m writing this post I can’t remember them!
I changed my actions so that I did things the way she wanted me to do them (because honestly, the way she said it made me feel like an idiot for doing it my way in the first place). What annoys me is that now, a couple of years later, these things will come up again. She asks me why I did something ABC and I’ll respond with “Because 2 years ago you told me that you didn’t like it when I did XYZ”. And she will say “Oh, I was a different person back then! You can totally do it now haha don’t you know me??”. She never told me that she changed her mind! How was I supposed to know?? And the thing is, she doesn’t even remember telling me that she didn’t like it in the first place!
While this is annoying, it becomes more of an issue to me when it comes to some bigger examples.
I used to play the guitar and sing in my free time. Back in the first few months of our relationship, I’d still occasionally pick up a guitar and play while she was around (usually if she was in the shower or playing video games by herself). Every single time she’d make a comment about how my voice was too high, she didn’t like the genre I played, I could be doing something else instead of playing the guitar, etc. So now my finger callouses are gone, my guitar collects dust in the corner. Then, starting a few months ago she’d occasionally ask “Hey, why don’t you play guitar anymore?”. !#$#% How do I then explain that she pretty much told me that she didn’t want to play, I lost my drive, and that’s why I can now barely bust out a C chord! Is this one of those things that she randomly changed her mind about and didn’t tell me? I still don't play the guitar because I keep thinking about the times where she told me she didn't like me playing.
A really big issue we have is that right from the beginning my girlfriend has hated my best friend. He is back home in Canada so in the last 4 years I haven’t even seen him in person. My girlfriend has never met him, seen him, or talked to him. (the reason she hates him is because she thinks he’s in love with me. He’s gay, I’m bi so it’s possible but highly improbable). We used to Skype once a month or so, but my girlfriend put a shut down to that quickly. Eventually it got to the point that I was to cut all contact with him. So I went about a year of not talking to my best friend at all. Birthdays, Christmases, family deaths went by without my best friend and it sucked. He did get back in contact with me (through email, since he was blocked on my phone) and I… didn’t tell my girlfriend right away. She did eventually find out (because she periodically asks me if I’m in contact with Geoff and I didn’t want to lie) and a HUGE argument ensued. By the end of it though, she told me that she has no issue with me talking to him but I shouldn’t have lied. But she said it in a way that it was obvious that she had big issues with it and she even said that she still hates him. So based on her past actions, this could be one of those things that she said she didn’t like in the past, randomly changed her mind, and is now ok with me doing. But I’m still scared of talking to him in case my girlfriend sees and finds something to get upset over.
Submitted March 29, 2019 at 05:25AM by KeyBr1ck https://ift.tt/2uzDnZa
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