My situation is really weird.
Explanation: I'm what the deaf (non-verbal audio) classify as Hard hearing (HH) because I can communicate with hearing person without resorting sign languages or notes.
I met my boyfriend, "Alan", who is deaf about year ago. I was the only person he could communicate at work with ASL, even though I only could sign basic words. Later, he began to teach me in more advanced ASL and we found out we have so much in common in tv, movies, books tastes with similar goals and desires in life that we became best friends that evolved into a romantic relationship. We're going strong nine months now and we're compatible in every area. It's the best and healthiest relationship I ever had and I'm always excited and giddy to see him at work or when we wake up together. He feels the same and we're talking moving each other as soon his lease is up in three months from now.
Two months ago, we decided to meet each other parents which all are hearing (he's their only deaf son). Alan met mine and it went fabulous. Then we met his parents, "Irma" and "Paul".
I thought we got along because they were smiling, gushing and laughing but I'm beginning to believe they were putting their best masks for the sake of their son. One time on a family's bday parties, Irma said in front of the ladies with me next to her, "It's so impressive you can talk with that speech impediment. I barely can understand you myself." She said as jokingly manner but no one laughed, everyone glanced at each other awkwardly and I just stared at her, then excused myself. At first I wasn't sure if she meant as generational-ignorant way like "who's the woman in the relationship?" to the gays. I didn't mention to my boyfriend because I was hoping it was only time remark.
It wasn't. They made more comments, mostly Irma, about me struggling pronunciation or grammars, using sign language incorrectly and not teaching me the right one like Alan would do, or not having deaf/HH friends or not going more to deaf community and so on. It happened so gradual and subtle that I didn't realize they were being insulting to my face that to this day I still wonder. Most of the time they would make those comments without Alan nearby. I mentioned to Alan few times and he told me that maybe they were worried I might not understand the deaf culture. He talked to them that saying those things weren't helpful and he would appreciate if they would shut it up. They didn't.
Few weeks ago at bbq party, Irma and Paul sort of insinuated about my parent for not giving best tool for me, saying it was a shame that my parent didn't put me in deaf school or letting me to get cochlea implant or letting me to study aboard in non-deaf university program. They made it sound as if my parent crippled me as person because my social and emotional network didn't consist the "right" people. This time I got angry and I said what they said was rude, that my parents made lot sacrifice for me and no one has the right to belittle for their choices about raising me. Alan caught at the end of the conversation (lipreading) and asked me what's going on. Not so surprisingly, Alan's parent threw me under the bus, remarking I was so sensitive after making such innocuous comment. Alan saw I was uncomfortable and asked me if I want to leave. I said yes and we left, when we got home he asked me what they said to me. I didn't want to say what his parent told me because it was so ugly to talk about it but I told him anyway and he got upset for me. He face-timed them and said they shouldn't said that. He told them they crossed the line. They pretended they didn't know what I was talking about, that perhaps I misunderstood, considering I'm "hard hearing" which upset Alan even more. They ended arguing for few minute before Alan hung up.
Since then, Alan has become desolate and needy. He apologized to me hundred of times for not believing me what I said before. I told them that he has nothing to apologize because I wasn't sure if they were being snide toward me until now and I'm not going to blame Alan for what his parent said to me. He told me he's thinking reducing contact with them but I told Alan it wasn't necessary. He can do whatever he wants with his parent but that I rather would not go to any of his family gathering or go his parent's. He assured he would never force me or put me in that situation ever again.
We're closer together than we were but he's still sad and he no longer goes to his family gatherings or his parent's. I find him staring at nothing in particular for long minutes and his eyes which used to sparkle are now dim. I want to cheer him up but I'm not so sure how to in first place. I just don't know what to do and I don't understand why his parents are so rude toward me because I'm not "completely" deaf considering they aren't one!
What I can do?
TL;DR : My SO's parent (hearing) doesn't like me because I'm (Hard Hearing) not completely deaf like he is. SO found out and he's upset.
Submitted March 30, 2019 at 12:31PM by livingindoozyworld https://ift.tt/2V7jFiM
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