The title might be a little misleading. I am very happy that my friend is now sober. She's been sober for almost 10 months now, and I'm proud of her for that. But I feel a lot of resentment toward her and don't know if I want to continue the friendship. We've been friends for almost 15 years.
I could go on and on about all the things she's done over the years that have hurt our relationship, but I'll try to keep it brief. Her drinking caused her to do a lot of things that I really felt uncomfortable with, such as having an affair with her former boss who was married with 3 children and sleeping with my boyfriend at the time's best friend who had a long term girlfriend. She would continually put me and my friends in potentially dangerous situations trying to go home with guys that were shady and getting mad or even physical with us when we would try to stop her.
One of the big things that drastically hurt our relationship is initiating a threesome with me and the guy I was seeing. When I tried to call it off, they didn't stop and I ended up just leaving while they continued. That seriously broke my trust and hurt me a lot. She apologized profusely and I told her I forgave her and I get it was a drunken mistake but I know I am angry about it because I really liked the guy and that ruined my relationship with him (not that she was the only one responsible for the situation). Soon after that we went out to celebrate my college graduation with my roommates and some of my other friends. One of them brought along a guy I thought was cute and I wanted to try to talk to. I told my friends that and they all told me to go for it, but later that night my friend tried to get him to sleep with her, he refused and she flipped out to the point he left and then she accused him of stealing $400 out of her wallet and wanted me to get my roommate involved because he was her boyfriend's friend. I was pretty confident he didn't steal from her and when I brought it up to my roommate she refused to get involved knowing that my friend can be a little off the rails sometimes. This was all right before she got sober.
I could describe many more instances where things like this have happened, but I'm sure you all get the picture.
I have since moved to a different state and haven't done a great job keeping in touch, but I try to get together with her when I'm in town and ask her how she's doing occasionally. I bought her a Christmas gift and invited her to spend Christmas with my family since she is not close with hers, but she declined. Last time I saw her she didn't even ask about my new job (which was a big and exciting deal for me) and didn't even know what city I now live in. I know her sobriety takes a lot of effort and dedication on her part so she may not have time to worry about all the things going on in my life, but I feel like she has made no effort at all. I feel resentful that I spent years being her friend when she was a giant mess and now that she seems to have it together, she doesn't have time for me.
I'm back in town visiting my family and I'm supposed to see her tonight, and honestly I feel like I don't even want to. I feel guilty because I should be happy and supportive of her new life that she seems to be doing great in, and we have mutual friends who I don't want to upset by not continuing a relationship with her.
When is it okay to say you don't want to be someone's friend anymore? Especially after so many years of friendship.
TLDR: My friend of 15 years is now sober and I feel like she doesn't care about my life anymore. I'm resentful because I spent so many years with her being a giant mess and now that she has it together she's gone. When is it time to let a friendship go?
Submitted March 29, 2019 at 08:58AM by dollandchain https://ift.tt/2HNwZWS
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