Hi. I know the advice here is normally "well to find out, date a girl." but I don't want to leave my boyfriend. I love him so much, I've never met anyone more perfect for me. I've never met anyone so perfect in general. He's the best person I've ever met. We've been dating for over a year and I find new things I love about him everyday.
So, I've always felt butterflies around girls, and never boys. I find guys attractive, I love guys chests or shoulders specifically. But I don't feel that... That one specific feeling. Where its hard to look away at someone, or you've caught yourself staring. I've always accepted I'm bisexual, I've been out since middle school. But I haven't ever dated a girl.
When I first met my boyfriend, I did not feel butterflies. It was more of a slow burn that turned into "woah, who are you? You're checking off every box on the list and even creating some." I've never felt anything like this. I crave his attention, being around him. Everyday I just want to be near him. He's so funny, and smart and charming. He cares so freaking much. He buys me random tiny toys or will write me love letters.
This new confused feeling has been coming out more and more, recently. A few girls have hit on me where I work, (random customers have asked for my number or something) and it does make me kind of think about things. Maybe I'm just feeling all of this because I've been pretty depressed recently from some medication, and I'm looking for an easy fix? I don't know.
I really don't want to break up with him. I can't imagine not waking up next to him or getting to hug him or the cute goodnight texts. I really don't want to date anyone else. It's just... I can't seem to shove the feelings down. If I broke up with him, I think I'd have to take an extremely long time to get over the break up. He's my first love.
Sorry I'm rambling. I'm not sure what to say. I talked to him about it today after confiding in a coworker. He said he always suspected it, since when we first started dating I told him I was 90% gay 10% straight. Plus some sexual issues we have - but I think that's more of just me being conservative in that area and slightly repressed. (I am working on it though.) He said he really loves me and wants to be with me, but he wants me to be happy. I expressed how I don't even know if I am a lesbian, and I just... Really don't want to lose him. He's the first person to ever make me feel this way about someone. I want to spend time with him 24/7. It's just this stupid feeling in the back of my head that's brought to the front when a pretty girl walks in.
Is this just a case of the grass is greener? I find my boyfriend crazy attractive. His body is perfect, his face is perfect. I do want to have sex with him. But I just don't feel that one feeling towards him- or any guy. But maybe since I've never been with a girl, I'm building it up in my head to be this totally different thing when in reality it's almost exactly like being with a man.
Reddit kind of has a tendency to say "break up with him, you're young and go explore" but God. I really don't want to. I want to be with him I just want my mind to be put at ease.
Oh. Also I'm a little concerned now that if we do stay together, I might've just ruined everything by talking to him about this. What if he always keeps it in the back of his head that he might not be enough for me?
My thoughts are really all over the place. It's 4am and I'm dead tired. I just need my mind to be put at ease soon. As much as I'm really pushing for Reddit to tell me "chill, you love him and everything is okay." Even the "you gotta dump him" comments would make me feel better. I'm stuck in the middle right now and I really need help.
*TL;DR : I really love my boyfriend, but I have been feeling like I might be a lesbian recently. Is this just a case of the grass is greener? I cant imagine someone who is a better fit for me. We click. I just want someone to tell me that I'm over reacting or something. *
Submitted March 31, 2019 at 04:07AM by Confusedhelpplease2 https://ift.tt/2OE13ob
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