Original post is here: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/avyz52/how_do_i_33f_nicely_confront_a_coworker_30sf/
So, my original post didn't get a whole lot of traction, but it seemed that there were some posters who didn't think confronting K (or, really, having a friendly chat) was a great idea. However, I really felt miserable at work with all the tension, and people who knew much more about the situation than I was able to convey on Reddit urged me to do SOMETHING, so I did.
I waited until the end of the day on Friday. I even brought notes with me so that I didn't say anything stupid. I asked K to come into the hall and I basically went down the points on my notes: that I felt a lot of tension lately, (she agreed with that assessment but said that she wasn't about to do anything to address it) that I was sorry for snapping at her a few days earlier and it was unprofessional. I explained my reasoning why I was driven to that point--not as an excuse, but more of an explanation--that I felt (and perhaps I was wrong!) that she doesn't respect me as a coworker.
Her response? "Yeah, because you make a lot of mistakes." Ah, ok, so there it was. I was at the same time shocked and... well, not. It was a confirmation of what I'd suspected. I continued the conversation by stating that when I found mistakes that she makes, I don't go out of my way to make her feel bad about it, and don't doubt her abilities, but I just fix them. And I stated that we don't have to be best friends, and we should be looking out for each other and not working against each other. She begrudgingly agreed, said we were "good," and that she has a tendency to overreact at things, but was overall kind of cool about the whole thing. I personally felt relieved but also personally kind of stung, that my performance at work was apparently so bad.
I spent the weekend thinking a lot about our conversation, and what I could do differently at work, performance wise--not just for her, but for myself. Because I feel better about myself when I do a good job (doesn't everyone?). I came back to work the next week and busied myself on making step-by-step notes on all of the most common things I do. A month later, I still refer to them. I know everything on them, it's just handy for me to refer to them so I don't forget. (I have ADHD, and that absolutely figures in to the mistakes.) A few days ago, while K was on vacation and our newest tech was training, I gave her a copy of the step-by-step notes for her to use for a task I asked her to do. To my delight, she used them all week, which made me feel like maybe the work we do is a bit harder than I give myself credit for.
I've also done my part in covering my own butt and letting other people know what is going on. Turns out K has been spreading quite a bit of gossip about me, which has made me look even worse because I don't really gossip. So everyone who thinks they know what's going on only gets one side. Last week I met with my boss for our regularly scheduled one-on-one session. It was the first time that I'd had one since our little spat. And I told her about my conversation with K. She was impressed that I'd been the bigger person and broached the topic with her. But she was appalled at K's response about feeling disrespected. In her mind (and mine), being respected at work is just a basic right, it shouldn't be tied into whether you're performing your job adequately or not. I told my boss about a couple other little episodes that K and I had had since that larger one, and that I'd defused the potential conflicts and not bit back--something that my boss was thankful for, and also complementary of. She stressed to me to let her know these things, because I'm pretty quiet and while she knew that K and I didn't really get along very well, she didn't know it was THAT bad.
So, taking that advice to heart, and emboldened by my great, stress-free week without K, I snagged one of the pharmacists before leaving last night. I told her that, in case she hadn't noticed, K and I don't get along that well (she rolled her eyes and stated that she and the other pharmacists had definitely noticed). I told her that I was only telling her all this because I wanted her to know that it had been going on for a while, and I hadn't really mentioned it because I figured she and the other pharmacists had better things to do than get involved or take sides in a spat. I told her that I was a little offended that K would even tell them before trying to work it out with me personally, because it seemed petty and juvenile. I told her a little bit about the "mistake" that I'd made that caused K to react so angrily and that it turned out it wasn't really even a mistake, just an accident that I'd never anticipated. And that while I don't complain to her about K and K DOES complain to her about me, to just try to keep an open mind and not assume that I was always in the wrong. She told me some enlightening things about K, that there had been problems with K before I even came along, and she knew more about the situation than I realized. She also reiterated that I do a good job overall and not to let K bring me down.
So, I left work yesterday feeling great. A week without K, making a difference in training our new tech, taking the lead on some issues that popped up, and showing that I could be just as good--if not better--a worker than K, without the drama. Basically, the best week I'd had in a long time. And in regards to K, it's the best I could hope for. I know she'll never like me. And that's ok, because she's such an irritable and unpleasant person that I don't really want her to like me. I just want to be able to do my job without her breathing down my neck all the time. At the very least, I've let other people--not everyone, but those who are in a position to know--about the issues we've been having. To get the burden off myself and put it on her. I've done all I can do, and I'm just glad that people have noticed.
Tl;dr talked with offending coworker, who outright admitted to disrespected me because apparently she thinks I'm a shit employee. At least I got her to admit it. Now I'm going to take care of myself and doing my job. I also let others know about the issues we've been having so they're aware.
Submitted March 30, 2019 at 07:47PM by okpickle https://ift.tt/2U7mFQ1
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