My friend (m25) tested the waters in asking me (f21) out and I’m getting a lot of backlash because he was in the military for 4 years

So my friend John (25) is a great guy that is a good study buddy. I’m (21) happy to have a reliable study buddy and friend for university, but he tested the waters out. He asked about my long distance relationship and I mentioned how we care about each very much, but are too busy with university to make it official and close the gap. He asked if I wanted an official relationship with him. I asked him where he sees himself 5 years from now and he wants to make the military a full time career, have a wife that will support his career, and kids. I told him I never want kids as I’m childfree and don’t realistically see myself married until my 30’s. John says that I may change my mind and want kids in 5 years and I told him that’s total bull as I want my tubes tied.

John was upset because he thought I wanted the same things in life. I told him I want to dedicate my life to finding what makes me happy. I want to pursue my career, hobbies, and dreams without worrying about needing to move for my husband or having to take care of kids. I don’t want to waste his time. John seemed to get the message across and dropped the conversation. He said it’s understandable and just wanted to see if it could work out.

Then my friend Jane was listening in the whole time and being nosy asf. She caught me after class and said how I completely destroyed his heart and crushed it into a million pieces. I told her he did 4 years in the military and is a big boy that can handle himself. Jane points to me that he is a hero to our country and he fought for me so I should give him a chance. I mention how we are incompatible as we want different things in life and Jane gets pretty nasty. She asks what kind of woman would not want kids or a real relationship with a marriage. I told her people want different things in life and it’s okay to not get threatened. She calls me immature and mentions that I should be lucky a guy like John would even look at me as he’s a great catch. I told her she can try to ask him out if she wants and she mentions that a woman should never ask the guy out? She finally seethes at me that she feels really sorry for John as I’m a selfish and heartless bitch.

I’m so confused at how vicious Jane turned on me. Jane is 24 still working on her 4 year degree so I always considered her more mature on these matters. I’m upset that she thinks I’m this horrible person when I don’t want to waste Johns time. It is pointless for us to date when we have incompatible goals and priorities in life. I graduate in one semester and plan to work on my masters while I pursue my career. My end goal is a doctorates degree and to learn all sorts of things. I want to learn new languages, travel, explore, take some culinary classes, and find what makes me happy in life. I don’t think that’s too much to ask. Did I handle this right? I feel really bad if I did hurt John’s feelings as we had 3 classes together already and Jane being quite nasty. Any thoughts or advice on how to proceed from here?

Td;lr John (25) tested the dating waters with me (f21) and I promptly point out our different priorities in life. Jane (f24) gets pissed at me and calls me a heartless bitch because John served 4 years in the military and fought for me. Any tips on how to handle this? Did I handle this correctly? (Names changed)

Submitted March 30, 2019 at 09:22AM by Irisveile14 https://ift.tt/2FN0CoQ