My boyfriend [30M] and I [29F] have been in a relationship for almost one year exactly (our anniversary is in two days!). This has been the best relationship I have ever been in, and I honestly have no complaints. We have only had one REAL argument and we talked through it and just about every other issue we have ever had. He listens, he cares, we mesh really well together, we have similar life goals, we fulfill each others needs...and even though it's only been a year, we've seriously discussed being together long term. I actually think I am going to marry this man someday.
So why am I here? Six months ago, I was at work one day when I started to feel funny. There was a weird ~20 minute period where my vision JUST wouldn't focus, and I just thought it was weird and must mean I was tired. I casually mentioned it to my coworker. Not even an hour later, I started to feel...strange, and half of my face my fingers went numb. A medic was called. I thought I was having a stroke! The medic insisted I go to the hospital as he was shocked I was awake after taking my blood pressure and blood oxygen levels. I spent 7 hours in hospital shaking, vomiting and in more pain than I have ever felt erupting from my head. The hospital said I had had an aura migraine, and after trying three different painkillers, I started to feel better and they sent me home.
This is the 3rd time an event like this has happened in 3 years. (Quick summary - the first time I went, 2.5 years ago, I was taken to hospital when I struggled to speak and instead moaned at friends, the second time I went to hospital 1.5-ish years ago because I nearly lost consciousness vomiting in an airport bathroom. Both are huge stories I am skipping for the sake of length.) Each event has been declared an aura migraine/migraine.
But this last time has been different. I have REALLY struggled to explain myself, so forgive me if this is confusing. I didn't go back to "normal" after this last trip...almost every single day I've been experiencing something I've been calling my "episodes." I get dizzy, feel out of it, feel high(bad high), and sometimes, SOMETIMES it leads to another headache or smaller migraine. I feel like a zombie. I've visited a neurologist, several in fact. I've had 2 CT scans (at two of my hospital trips) and 2 EEGs and they show nothing. I have my first MRI tomorrow (finally...) and the doctors have told me they can't help me until they see the results.
But I'm not getting better and I'm FREAKED OUT. I feel weird for periods of 10 minutes to 5 HOURS. And I am TERRIFIED of the toll this is taking on my boyfriend. He says its ok, and he takes care of me every time I feel bad. The lights in the grocery store SOMETIMES seem to irritate WHATEVER is wrong with me so he insists on going in for me. I'll be sitting on the couch and suddenly feel like crap, and he'll have me lie down. We'll be out to dinner, and halfway through BAM it happens, so I stop talking, lean on his shoulder, and we skip desert to go home, effectively ruining our night off. I text him almost daily during these moments and each and every time I feel absolutely TERRIFIED and this poor man has to calm me down. EACH TIME. I just want to stop freaking out about this all the time but I CAN'T. I'm so SCARED. What if they don't find something tomorrow? What if they do? What if I am going to be like this forever? Honestly, I don't think I want to LIVE a life this way. I feel like I have NO control of my brain for moments every single day...what kind of life is that? How can you want a partner who is going through this stuff?
Don't get me wrong. I know the answer is to communicate with him...and I promise you I am! We've talked about it so many times. But no matter how many times he reassures me that he loves me and he's going to help me through this, I am terrified that this problem is never going to go away...and he will leave me. And I wouldn't blame him if that happened. I want to get myself a new damn body.
I don't want whatever is happening to ruin the best thing that's ever happened to me. Please, I don't know what to do anymore.
I'm really struggling with what is the appropriate amount of information to give to the internet on a popular forum, so please tell me if I've given too much or too little.
TLDR: I'm afraid my (29F) amazing boyfriend (30M) is going to leave me because I've been going through daily issues following a migraine induced hospital trip six months ago. Does anyone know how I should be handling this whole situation? Especially if this turns out to be a permanent problem?
Submitted March 30, 2019 at 12:01PM by throwbrainaway2 https://ift.tt/2uyAQ1a
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