I’m feeling pretty lost, so some insights would be pretty helpful!
Me [32F] and my BF [34M] have been together for over 2,5 years, living together for over a year and also have registered our relationship (not married, just the living arrangements for insurance purposes) so we sound like we’re serious.
Since the beginning of the relationship I’ve always been open about what I want, getting married is something beyond important to me. He never made himself clear, but since he never opposed to anything, I thought we were on the same page.
About 4 months ago I started dropping hints about wedding, didn’t work. So I had an open chat about where we stand in all of this. He didn’t talk much, again, didn’t make himself clear, but didn’t oppose, just asked a couple of questions regarding of how I wanted a party to be like, spendings, etc. He said he thought marriage was overrated and too expensive and I made sure he knew I’m not keen on anything over top, the simpler the better, I just want a tiny get together with our closest friends to celebrate us. He didn’t seem to disagree so I thought the conversation was over and this proposal would happen soon.
(After this conversation, he knew I talked to my mom about our talking regarding getting married, that I even sent her pics of venue etc)
Couple of months later I had another quick chat just to let him know that I want a simple and cheap ring, before he started looking for expensive stuff. But it turned out with him saying he’s not ready to get married because he’s not sure I’m the one.
Aside from feeling like sh*t after what he said. I tried to be resfectful of his opinion and give himself time and space, no pressure, this is not how it works.
Fast forward to now, my friend just got proposed after being together for 1,5 years. That simply killed me!!!!
I’m extremely happy for her. She had the cutest intimate proposal and she deserved that so much! But I can’t help but feeling jealous, because I wish it was me.
It’s getting hard to understand my BF, because lead a pretty serious relationship and he’s not ready to commit, when he is actually full on committed anyway? I’ve been crying a lot and when I told him the reason why, he said he is now feeling pressured over my sadness.
I don’t know what to do, I’m trying to give him enough time, space, being respectful, but doing that I’m also hurting myself and sort of feeling idiot and used. I was always very open with him, and I feel betrayed by noticing he was hiding his opinion / point of view from me, as if he was going to try to talk me out of it over time. We’re financially stable, no kids, no big life changes. He said he needs to see us going through problems and rough time to see how strong our relationship is, and then maybe change his mind, but the problem (or not! Haha) is that we have always had an amazing, caring, loving, healthy and smooth relationship, we’re mature enough to solve our problems without big dramas, but this one.
TL;DR: I’ve [32F] always wanted to get married and after 2,5 years BF [34M] reveals marriage is not for him and that he’s not ready. I’m sad and confused and my friend just got engaged which is making me feel jealous and upset at my BF.
Submitted March 30, 2019 at 08:43AM by la_macarena https://ift.tt/2FGHiYW
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