So I guess a little back story here is that I've (26m) been dating my gf for a little over a year and we've had our share of ups and downs, but for the past few months I'd say we've both been very happy. She lives a couple minutes walk from and spends most evenings at my flat and I've been considering asking her to move in with me at some point. Recently however I had noticed in the evenings she had been getting texts from her manager and a few times she was quite quick to turn her phone over or look at it sideways, which made me a bit suspicious, as she has never been like that before.
Also one evening going out for dinner we bumped into him and when I was introduced to him he just gave me a bit of a strange vibe like he wasn't that happy to be meeting me.
Anyway fast forward to last night I mustered up the courage to ask her what was going on as my gut instinct told me there was something not right about a married man messaging her every evening plus her behaviour plus actually meeting him.
She immediately got pretty defensive/angry with me and asked her what I was accusing her of and how it was purely platonic and began to cry, which obviously wasnt great.
I didn't back down and around an hour later she admitted that he would call her beautiful all the time and they both put kisses on their texts, but for her it was just that he gave her support with work where she's been having a tough time lately.
She showed me a quick look of the texts and from what I saw it was basically him calling her beautiful and being supportive (one message did say how tempting it was to hug her in the toilets which was weird) and from her side she ignored the complements and would just talk about work and even mentioned being with me a couple times in the evenings.
The thing is when she went to the bathroom (I'm ashamed of this) I checked her phone and in 5 minutes I'd picked up on a lot more comments from him for example "how fucking hot she looked in her dress" and "how she gave him naughty thoughts" and "how when she was coming in early he was excited to have her to himself", which now that I write it out is actually a little bit heart breaking.
In truth she didn't directly respond to any of those messages. Apart from the dress one where she said he basically wanted to see her with her boobs out, which I obviously didn't like.
I haven't told her I read the messages but I've pressed her numerous times to tell the truth and be honest about whats been said and she hasn't been at all. At the same time she is devastated and has apologised a thousand times. She doesn't believe he was trying to make a sexual advance and it was just "banter" because that's what he is like. I know how much she cares for me so for this to be going on in the background feels so strange for me.
I've asked to have the weekend for space and now I don't know what to do. I'm devastated that she is talking so much to him but also that she didn't have enough respect for me to say something when he was being out of line. At the same time when I speak to her im made to feel like I'm overreacting to the situation so I'm just confused. I'm also worried for her as she struggles with anxiety and has been doing so well lately so would hate to see her relapse if we were to break up over this.
Also not to forget he is married with 2 kids! I feel awful for his wife that he is messaging these kind of inappropriate things. I could find her on FB and send her a but really don't know if it something I should do.
Tl;Dr: girlfriend has been messaging married manager but doesn't think his advances are sexual. Don't know how to handle the situation
Submitted March 30, 2019 at 02:55AM by Needhelp164 https://ift.tt/2HLPBGB
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