(28F) GF says I (29M) don’t understand her need for polyamory. Am I a jerk?

Any advice? She (28) and I (29) have been together for 5 years. Recently, she said that since there are things that I would never do to her sexually, that she wants to explore with another person. She has said that I can have full control over this.

I can’t get over the feeling that what she’s doing is incredibly selfish. I was her first long term relationship, and she had only slept with one other person other than me. She didn’t experiment when she was away at university. I had been with a handful of other women in short and long term relationships.

She says that she wants to explore her sexuality and that it would be cruel for me to stop her from doing so, while I am perfectly content with just her. To me, it seems selfish that instead of working with me to try to incorporate some of the things she wants to try into our sex life, she would be fulfilling those needs in another way. When I bring this up, she says “You don’t have that in you” or “Your heart wouldn’t be in it”. This hurts me very much as I would do almost anything for her, and while I may not be good at it at first, I would be willing to try my best. I’ve always tried to accommodate her needs (like anal sex, I hate it) even though I might not personally enjoy it.

I told her that I would be open to trying swinging, but that was not good enough for her and she said I wasn’t understanding what she wanted. I feel like I am being somewhat replaced and that she wants to have her cake and eat it too. A part of life is coming to terms with the fact you can’t get everything you want, and I feel like her wanting this is putting the focus on her instead of us.

EDIT: A big part of her not wanting to try new things is her thinking I wouldn’t enjoy it. For example, she is into watersports, electroplay, edgeplay, rapeplay etc

TL;DR: GF wants to try polyamory and I think she’s being selfish. Am I the jerk here? I know this was a rambling mess but I don’t know what to do.

Submitted March 29, 2019 at 09:49PM by throwaway77005713 https://ift.tt/2HRbbcK