Sara (not her real name) and I have lived together for 2 years. For some context, my roommate and I are also very good friends. We went to the same college, are both outsiders in our current city but are in the same friend group, run an organization in the community together, and work at the same company but in different departments. So we spend a lot of time together, which I don't mind.
The first year we lived together, she was EXTREMELY anti-pet and I was always the opposite. I rescued a cat from a dumpster that no one else could catch, kept it for about 24 hours until we found its owner. The cat (understandably) was meowing the whole night we had it and Sara could not handle it. The second it was morning, Sara said "I can't do this" and made me take it to a shelter. The only one open that was taking cats was a kill shelter, so I had a mental breakdown on the way and refused to take it there. I got a lot of "you're the worst" and "I can't believe you're making me do this" but obviously it was the right thing to do as we found the owner really quickly after that.
Fast forward to last Christmas, Sara's present to me is a card "from the cat" and cat toys. I immediately start bawling, I was so excited and surprised that she was letting me get a cat! We went to the shelter in January and Sara helped me pick out a cat. The first few months of having her there was some weird competitiveness over who the cat would sleep with on Sara's part, like she would keep track...but the cat has settled into a routine of sleeping with me nearly every night, which she wasn't very happy about. Sara often makes comments like "oh you love lumipep more" and force-snuggles with the cat, which I have told her not to do.
At the time I was in a serious relationship and was going to eventually move in with my boyfriend. Sara knew this and knew I would be taking the cat, as we had a conversation about it in which I made sure to clarify that the cat was mine. The relationship ended however, and she expressed multiple times how happy she was that the cat (and I) was staying.
My roommate has begun talking about it as "our cat" and that "we're co-cat parents" and it has started to really irk me. I have paid for the majority of cat supplies, but she will scoop her box occasionally, feed her if she's the first out the door in the morning, bought food or litter from time to time (all without me asking her to), and paid half the cat deposit for our apartment, but we are supposed to receive all of that deposit back.
This all came to a head last night when I asked her for about the 5th time, to stop giving her so much dry food in the morning. Sara gives the cat so much food that there is plenty leftover when it comes to dinner time. I don't see the point in giving the cat her nightly wet food if I'm just going to throw it all away the next morning because she can't eat it all. So the cat still had food left in her bowl at dinnertime, ate it throughout the evening, and then right before bed I hear Sara giving her more food when I was in the bathroom and she thought I wouldn't notice. I said again, please stop doing this, I've asked you not to before, her bowl does not always need to be full. I had two diabetic pets growing up and am very conscious of overfeeding. I half-jokingly said "please stop stepping on my toes as a cat parent" Sara then says "well she's TECHNICALLY your cat, but we are co-parents." I almost lost it and have barely spoken to her since last night. Sara overfed her again this morning, because she was out the door 2 minutes before I was.
I fully plan on getting up earlier so I can feed her, scooping her box earlier in the evening so Sara doesn't, and paying for every single thing from now on. But I would like some advice on how to talk to her about boundaries and ownership of the cat and her toning it down without hurting her feelings or sounding like a petty bitch. I just want ONE thing in my life that we don't share.
TL;DR: roommate stepping on my toes as a cat parent and calling herself a co-cat parent and doing things I asked her not to. I want to establish some boundaries that the cat is mine as we already do literally everything else in our lives together.
Submitted November 15, 2018 at 08:50AM by Lumipep https://ift.tt/2z6Sw6I
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