I [21 f] banned a couple people [19m 20m 25m] from the parties I'll be hosting for my college fencing club. It's causing some drama.

I've been a part of my college's fencing club for 3 years. I started when I was a sophomore in college, and now I'm a senior. My friend Fiona is the club's president, and I am the club's vice president.

Every few months, the club has a house party, generally hosted by the officers. It's a tradition that's been going on for way longer than I've even been in the club. At some of these parties, guys have been creeps. Often times, the people who were a problem weren't even active club members. Like my freshman year, the club president Mike hosted parties, and his roommate was a total perv who would try to corner freshman all the time. And we couldn't really kick him out because he lived in the house. Other stuff has gone on that the past officers of the club didn't know about, or found out about but (in my opinion) underreacted to.

This year, Fiona had been hosting the parties for a while, but her roommates got fed up with them happening in their house, so I offered to host parties for the rest of the year. I live in a large apartment with one roommate who spends most weekends at her boyfriend's place and is totally cool with me throwing parties when she's away.

I decided to handle things a little differently than the other people who have thrown parties, who just gave an open invitation, during a practice. I made a Facebook event and invited (almost) everyone in the club, plus a number of alumni who I'm friends with. (There were a few exceptions, I'll get to those in a minute) I set up the event so that I was the only one allowed to invite people, and I wrote in the description: "If you want to bring someone who I haven't added to this event, please check with me first! My apartment is a little smaller than Fiona's house, and I want to keep things under control. I won't be letting in anyone who shows up without advance notice. Thank you :)"

There were a few people I deliberately didn't invite, I'll list them here.

Jim - Current club member, got kinda creepy with a girl in the club, trying and pushing her to do stuff during drinking games that she didn't want to do, like taking off her shirt and bra. Other people had to tell him that it's just a game, she didn't have to do anything.

Bob - Alumni of the club who has been out of college for 4 years, but comes to club parties to hit on new freshman. Not still active with the club otherwise. One of my friends told me he tried to physically block her from leaving when she tried to get away from him.

Joe - Technically a current club member but doesn't often attend practice. Groped two of my friends during the same night. Gets really really drunk and obnoxious. Called me some homophobic slurs when he saw me kiss a girl at a party.

Anyway, after I made the event, a couple club members messaged me asking if they could bring their girlfriend, boyfriend, friend, etc. And I said yes to all of them.

Two guys in the club asked why I didn't invite Jim, if it was a mistake. I said no, it was deliberate, his behavior at a past party made him unwelcome in my home.

Bob asked if he was invited, he must have heard about it from someone else, and I just said "No" and he didn't reply to that.

Eileen, a girl in the club (who I think is dating Joe, or maybe just sleeping with him?) asked me why he wasn't invited, and I said that I didn't want him in my apartment because he has behaved poorly at every party I've seen him at, plus he is not even an active club member. Eileen seemed mad at me, calling me catty, and 'cliquey' and saying she wasn't going if Joe wasn't.

This has honestly stirred up more trouble than I expected. Fiona told me that it wasn't cool I'd exclude current club members, rather than having a talk with them and giving them a second chance. I told her that in the end, it was my apartment and I wasn't OK with having them there. And if she wanted to give them a second chance, she could do that in her own home. But I didn't want to take on that risk. She said "You know I can't keep throwing parties because of my roommates"

Overall, I don't know how this party is going to go. I don't know if the mood is going to be soured because some people are mad that Joe, Jim, and Bob aren't allowed in. I'm also a little worried at least one of them will show up anyway.

Did I go too far, or do you think it's all good and I'm stressing over nothing?

(Edit to explain something.... These parties are not official club events. The school athletic department does not sanction any events that involve alcohol. However, they do look the other way if students in athletic clubs throw parties on their own time, with their own money, and off of school property)

TLDR - I'm hosting parties for my college fencing club, and unlike past hosts, I've restricted the guest list. I'm a little worried about possible fallout.

Submitted November 15, 2018 at 10:15AM by SaberIssa https://ift.tt/2zTmDy8