My boyfriend [19M] really hates one of my good friends [19M]. He berated said friend when we hung out the other day and now my friend is convinced that my boyfriend hates him. How do I [19F] even deal with this?

My boyfriend, who is also my best friend, and I have been dating for five years. We went to high school together and now we're going to the same college. My good friend, we'll call him Chris, also went to high school with us. My boyfriend has strongly disliked Chris since high school but I've been friends with Chris since middle school.

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Chris has never been well-liked. In high school, I was pretty much his only friend. He's not a bad person per se but he has a lot of qualities that turn people off. A lot of those qualities stem from his manipulative parents and his bad upbringing. His morals are kinda wack, he doesn't take care of himself, is very overweight and has a poor relationship with food, freaks out over little things, and is absolutely horrible with stress and time management. That being said, he doesn't have bad intentions and sometimes, he's pretty fun to be around. My boyfriend on the other hand is whip smart, organized, has his shit together, has many friends, and is super social justice-y. My boyfriend doesn't agree with anything Chris has to say and has looked down on him since high school. Back then, he regularly talked shit about Chris, made fun of his weight and intelligence, and said that he doesn't deserve my pity. Although I agree that Chris does deserve half the bad stuff that happens to him since it's almost all caused by himself, I still remained friends with Chris since he does have positive qualities.

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Chris goes to a smaller college that is not too far from the school me and my boyfriend go to. I try to hang out with Chris once a month since I've deduced that he doesn't have that many friends at his school. The other day, Chris came over to our school to hang out with me. My boyfriend usually avoids trying to see him when he comes but I made him tag along with me this time since he hasn't seen Chris in like almost a year. It did not go well to say the least. We were talking about college and academics and Chris said some pretty questionable stuff about people in his class. My boyfriend immediately got triggered and I could tell he was trying pretty hard not to say anything back. Finally, Chris said something that basically translated to him condoning cheating and my boyfriend low-key blew up at him. He went on a rant about how everything Chris said was wrong and listed a whole bunch of reasons. It was really awkward. Then my boyfriend said that he couldn't stand this conversation any longer and excused himself.

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Sooo now Chris is convinced that my boyfriend hates him, which he does and has for a long time but it's something that I've kept from him. Chris is also extremely sensitive so he has been texting me non-stop asking if my bf hates him and what he thinks of him. So far I've just deflected the question and said that my boyfriend just doesn't agree with some things that you believe. I just got a call from him now, which I ignored, as I was typing this. I'm annoyed at both of them. I'm actually considering just cutting ties with Chris. I've tried helping him for almost ten years now and nothing has gone through.

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How should I deal with Chris? Should I tell him the truth?

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tl;dr: Boyfriend hates a friend of mine that we've known since high school. He recently came to hang out with us and my boyfriend blew up at him. My over-sensitive friend is now extremely upset and convinced that my boyfriend hates him. How do I even begin to deal with this?

Clarification: So a lot of you are saying that I forced my boyfriend to hang out with Chris and that I shouldn't be annoyed with him. I reread the post and saw how it could be interpreted like that but to add some detail, yes my boyfriend doesn't like hanging out with Chris but Chris specifically asked my boyfriend why he never hung out with us, like ever. My boyfriend felt kinda bad so I suggested that when Chris came over, he should just hang out with us, to which he agreed. So no, I didn't force him. Once upon a time, my boyfriend was actually better friends with a Chris than I was.

Second, Chris isn't a horrible person. He has controversial and sometimes immature opinions but they're not bad to the point where normal people would call him out on them. He has a very immature outlook on a lot of things. My boyfriend is just, as I said, very social justice-y and opinionated and isn't afraid to call people out. It's not a good combo.

Third, no I'm definitely not breaking up with my boyfriend over this. We've been together for five years, it's going to take something much worse to even get us to fight.

Update:

I was out the whole day so I wasn't able to type out the specific examples that you guys asked for. So here are a couple.

1) Chris was abused badly by his father. He forced him to do many things he didn't want to (and threatened him with physical abuse) and has forced him to go into a major he doesn't like. However, despite Chris knowing all this, he defends his father's actions and says that his father just wants him to succeed. It's fucked up, but coming from abusive parents as well, I can relate but I know it's wrong. Chris thinks it's right. My boyfriend has called him out on it multiple times and has said that he needs to stop listening to his parens and do what he loves but also called him deluded and spineless for not standing up to him. Boyfriend has an older brother who was sort of abusive emotionally but bf learned to toughen up.

2) What I meant when I said that Chris said some questionable stuff about people in his class was his stance on affirmative action in college admissions. I didn't want to bring politics into this but here we go. All three of us are Asian and are all very familiar with the controversy surrounding asians and affirmative action. Chris goes to a very good and competitive liberal arts school. He was talking about how two a couple of people in his class were clearly "much dumber than the rest" and that they only got in because they were a minority. Chris then began talking about how Asians are discriminated against in the college admission process and how they have to be much better than their counterparts in order to get in and how unfair it is. Boyfriend flipped his shit and told him off. Said that he sounded conceited and selfish. Boyfriend then went on a rant about how Asians deserve the discrimination they get in the admissions process since they fuck over themselves by cheating, etc. Chris argued that the admissions process forces students to cheat and therefore it's okay since they have no other way. Boyfriend went on a huge rant after that.

That's about all of his controversial opinions. The rest are just his personality.

Submitted September 01, 2018 at 02:12PM by snowflakee678 https://ift.tt/2MLK4Tu