Things have been incredibly rough lately. I love my mother with all my heart, she is my absolute everything. My dad was just recently in the hospital, had surgery due to all the substance abuse (started when he was 16, is now 39.) My biological father and mother have been split since I was a baby. My step father reached out and offered him to stay with us considering he is homeless. My bio dad and mother used meth. My mother got sober for 14 years. I have recently discovered she is now using again. I believe it may have something to do with my bio dad being back around.
I actually am very sure it’s because he is back around. I found this out while snooping. I know I shouldn’t have, and I have come to terms that I should never go looking for something because you know you are just gonna find something you don’t want. She has just been acting so off, lost, disoriented. Doesn’t validate me snooping. Apparently it isn’t meth but she didn’t state what it was in her comment (apparently too ashamed to mention.) She posted about it in some group for mother’s. She asked me a question and I could barely stand looking at her. Told her I wasn’t feeling well just to get her to not “worry.”
I have so much guilt due to my father and his issues. He keeps playing this “I almost died” card. Obviously I feel awful, I feel bad, I am still so angry that he is around though.
I have unresolved issues with my step dad, which feel like they are never going to get better.
My mother, she was my person. She was my everything, I love her, always will. I just feel like I can’t trust her. I’m so mad at her. It just feels like a stab in the back.
My life is a mess, at least that’s what it certainly feels like. This is all over the place and you are probably confused. I am too. I don’t know what to do. I’ve always struggled mentally. My youth has been filled with nothing but worries and sadness and it’s driving me insane. I’ve been feeling so helpless lately and this has taken the cake. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I may relapse and end up in the hospital. I’m just scared of what could happen.
How do I address this? Do I bring it up to my mom? Surely she would be upset I went through her personal messages but it’s just driving me to a mental spot that isn’t any better. Should I even address it? I know some people would read this and say “it’s so obvious!” but I’m so lost.
TLDR; Discovered my mother has been using, as she has mentioned through personal messages on her online profile. Recent events have been affecting my mental health but this has really set me off. Feeling like I may relapse and is causing suicidal ideation. Don’t know wether I should talk to her about this or not.
EDIT; Overheard her speaking to my dad. It’s fentanyl.
Submitted September 27, 2018 at 11:04AM by everybhodyhurt https://ift.tt/2R5oAPV
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