How to handle Monday with my [32F] boss [45M] who had a meltdown at work last week, throwing stuff everywhere and verbally attacking me

So to keep it brief-ish, my current boss was promoted to his job around 10 months back. It's a more senior maternity cover role than what he was doing, but he can't handle the pressure, scrutiny and workload because he's just not good at it. He's been ignoring most of his projects for months because he doesn't know what to do and can't make decisions because he's afraid to make the wrong one. He also won't ask for or accept help, or more resource, because he wants everyone to think he's a champ for doing it all himself. This is also why he tries to take credit for my work. He keeps taking on even more responsibility now because he wants the directors to think he's great but he's not following up and actually doing anything. This has come to a head with a bunch of deadlines falling this month and he timed his sick leave and annual leave for when the stuff was due, told everyone it had been handled and then, when it turned out nothing had even been started I, and others, had to drop everything to get it done in a rush because he wasn't there.

The last incidence of this, last Friday, he booked a half day when a load of CEO stuff was due. He asked me to take over because he wanted to leave but I pushed back and refused to do more of his work just so he could leave early. He missed his train and had a complete meltdown, throwing stuff everywhere, slamming doors and shouting at me for not helping him, blaming me for how his wife would react and telling me to shut up when I tried to respond. It was really shocking and upsetting.

To complicate things, I got out of an abusive relationship earlier this year and to have someone shout at me like that and slam things brought a lot of stuff back. I cried for a long time after and I've been jumping at loud noises and having anxiety attacks since. One of my colleagues [45M] who likes to meddle and is friends with my boss tried to engineer a reconciliation meeting for us this Monday, which I refused, because it felt like a brushing it under the rug meeting. I also spoke with two of the directors about the build-up and what happened and they are both of the opinion that something significant needs to change and that my boss is burnt out and overwhelmed. They are going to work with the CEO to come up with a solution next week.

Where I'm stuck is what to do on Monday. I sit right beside him and the thought of seeing him is making me really uncomfortable. I don't want to talk to him yet because I'm still processing how I feel. I don't even know what I'd say. Nobody in work knows about the domestic violence so will probably think I'm overreacting if I go and sit somewhere else or work from home. I'm also not sure what a proportionate reaction to this is because mine is coloured by fear from past experiences. Should I just try to get over it or is his behaviour as disturbing as it feels? Was I right to escalate it to senior staff?

Tl;dr: My incompetent boss had a violent meltdown when I refused to do his work for him again. I've recently experienced domestic violence and my bosses behaviour has triggered a high anxiety reaction in me. How do I continue to work beside him?

Submitted September 01, 2018 at 06:10PM by throwawayboss8790 https://ift.tt/2LNHRBm