I (M22) am unwell, so is my girlfriend (F21), so is our relationship. We're both still in love. Is it time to break up?

My girlfriend of five years has an anxiety disorder and an eating disorder. Whilst in many ways our relationship has been healthy, happy and loving, her mental illness has harmed both of us.

Essentially, Jenny (fake name) and I have been the model couple. High school sweethearts, we have traveled the world and lived abroad for two years, been incredible supports for one another, and have both been very mature, caring and thoughtful towards one another. We have had different problems which we have worked through, and for the most part have excellent communication. All our friends have been in awe at how healthy and perfect our relationship has been.

If I were to look back on my time with Jenny, I would only be grateful. From everything Jenny has told me, the feeling is mutual.

In hindsight, Jenny has had serious problems with her anxiety and eating disorder since before I knew her. However, it was only about one and a half years into our relationship before I really began to realise how unwell she was. I myself, have sometimes had small periods of depressive symptoms at different points in our relationship.

Just over two years ago we moved overseas to do a university exchange. These last two years have been incredibly challenging, but also rewarding. However they have seriously taken their toll on our relationship. Six months in to living with Jenny, I told her that she needed to see a psychologist, because she wasn't well and it was hurting me and our relationship. She had been increasingly unwell and stressed, but the causes of her anxiety and ED were more due to earlier issues from back home. Throughout this period, I was incredibly supportive and attentive. I gave everything I could to support Jenny.

Jenny, to her credit, has absolutely tried to combat this mental illness once I told her how serious an issue it is.

However, Circumstances changed and we ended up staying away for one extra year. During these two years, I have often struggled to cope with the pressure of being essentially her sole carer on the other side of the world. I have been unwell, and reached out to Jenny, and saw a psychologist at one stage too (which was somewhat helpful). However, although Jenny has tried, my psychological needs are not being met.

Due to Jenny's anxiety, she often struggles with touch. This means that our sex life is harmed, and that I often feel quite rejected in general, as she somewhat frequently is too uncomfortable to even hug me. This really hurts me, as I'm quite a touchy person in relationships, often more so in times when I'm upset. Unfortunately, because our lives are so intertwined, and we are very interdependent on one another, I am rejected completely physically when I need a hug to cheer me up, as we're normally both upset or stressed at the same time.

Our incompatibility here is something that we have discussed together extensively, and is something we've both tried to compromise and work on.

However, at the end of two years overseas I'm now quite exhausted. We've recently been fighting and working through issues with her being complacent in this relationship. We returned home three weeks ago. I've had bottled up frustration with her becoming complacent in our relationship due to her mental health, and have been very clear that things need to get better. She agrees and has been taking positive steps, but is very fragile from suddenly feeling like we might break up. I do believe she will eventually win this fight, but I don't know when.

But right now I am at breaking point. I am stressed and I'm not getting the mental care I need from this relationship.

Tonight, we were watching a movie while high on weed. We were both stressed and I kept insisting on needing kisses, hugs and support from her.

Jenny then suddenly froze up and told me that I was being too forceful with wanting to kiss her, and told me that I was manipulating her. I immediately apologised and moved away from her to give her space. I asked her to explain how I was mainpilating her (I don't believe I was) but she didn't respond (she often goes quiet in arguments). I realised she needed space and told her to talk to me if she wanted to later. She's now been asleep for awhile.

I'm clearly not in a position to be a supportive boyfriend for her anymore. I'm not getting supported either. I am still in love with her, she says she is too. Should we try and work things out, take a break, or end things for good?

My heart tells me breaking up is the wrong choice.

Tl;dr girlfriend (F21) of five years is unwell, but trying. I'm (M22) trying too but not coping. Don't know whether to keep trying.

Submitted July 29, 2018 at 10:07AM by bettertrends https://ift.tt/2LRJz9b