I’m a 21 year old female and have been in a relationship with my s/o (m21) for just over 5 years. I really do love him and envision spending my future with him but I’ve been wondering if I’ve lost some respect for myself along the way.
Back when we first started dating in high school, I found out he had been looking up one of my older friends and masturbating to her pictures. I really wasn’t that mad because she had been working as a dancer at the time and was super pretty. It was easy to understand how a teenage boy could be attracted to her. I wasn’t mad and told him my boundaries: I didn’t care if he masturbated to other women as long as neither of us knew them in real life. I explained that I didn’t care about porn or him being attracted to other people but that it felt too personal when it was somebody that he has the full ability to physically cheat on me with. I assumed that he stopped after that and generally trusted him for years after. We had occasional issues with him doing things like swiping up on girls stories with flirty emojis and liking pictures of girls i know in bikinis and underwear.
A few months back, I went on his phone because I had a bad feeling something was up. He started to get out of bed super early in the morning and spend at least an hour in the bathroom, which was out of character for him. When I went on his phone, he had the twitter and instagram accounts of two girls i went to high school with, one of which we run into frequently. He was in the “media” section of their twitter, all they way back into pictures from 2020. I called him out for it and he eventually admitted that he was masturbating to their pictures and confessed that he has a problem and can’t stop himself from masturbating to pictures of women I know. he said that he wants to get into therapy but has made no effort to do so.
I feel like he’s completely destroyed my confidence. All of the women he is attracted to have opposite body types as me and that only twists the knife. He says that it has nothing to do with me and that my body is perfect to him but that is obviously not the truth. I’ve went on his phone a few times since we talked about it and he’s still looking up girls and presumably doing the same stuff to their pictures.
I don’t know where to go from here because I don’t trust him but I do love him. He’s my best-friend and this is only a small portion of our entire relationship, but that doesn’t take any of my pain away. Every time that I see he’s looked up a girl i’ll probably always assumed he was whacking it to her pictures. I cant look in the mirror without wanting to cry anymore. I want to help him work through his problem but a part of me feels like it was just an excuse to end the conversation. I believe that he loves me but i’m starting to think that he’s in denial about not being attracted to me. I don’t have a clue what to do.
TL;DR : caught my boyfriend repeatedly searching up girls we know. He admitted he masturbates to them and that he has a problem. Said he wants to get help but I don’t think I can trust him or look at myself the same as I used to.
Submitted March 08, 2022 at 04:49PM by toritfb https://ift.tt/R3ZPNGg
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