My (f26) boyfriend (m24) keeps on disappearing on me million times and use his depression as an excuse for his behaviour.

So i (f26) have a boyfriend of 3 years (m24) and we’re in a long distance relationship. Things are really great the first year of our relationship, he never makes me insecure , anxious or feel bad which is really great because i’ve never experienced that with someone else. So he lives in the US and i live in Asia, and because of the pandemic we havent seen each other for almost 1,5 years ( we met 2 times already before this )

so this is where the things went downhill. He’s depressed, which i understand that you cant push people who’s mentally ill. but i feel like he’s using his depression as an excuse to do whatever he wants and gets away with it.

Whenever we had an argument , he’d make me feel like i was crazy for telling him how i felt or how his actions really hurt me. And after awhile, he start on giving me the silent treatment and use his “depression” as an excuse to ignore me

He’d be gone for days, or even weeks, and i’d beg him to answer my text and calls but theres nothing. until he finally out of a sudden give me a text saying he’s “sick” and has been very “depressed” while he takes the times to ignores me and love bombing me after he comes back saying he’d wanna work things out and could never leave me no matter how big our fight is. usually it only lasted for like 2-3 days, he’d love bomb me, called me 3-4 times a DAY, yes people, a day . to tell me how much he loves me etc, then after around 3 days he goes back being cold and if we fighting the cycle repeats again.

And now he doesnt even dissapear when we got problem, he dissapear whenever he wants and said its because he’s “depressed”. then he love bomb me and the last time, i told him if u need time u can text me to let me know so i wont be worried. He said okay then he dissapear again without letting me know which i find really disrespectful. He texted me saying the same BS he always told me about being “depressed” which i ignore since he doesnt even take 1 mins to let me know that.

i think im done with him but i cant bring myself to say it. he’s a lazy bum and doesnt make the effort to actually make money, how we even gonna close the distance? i guess i’d just disappear like he always did. and when i think about it he never actually hmu first after he ignores me. i have to beg and that still wont make him come back until he’s ready. he even know his behaviour makes me depressed, put me on medication and self harming but he still does it. i asked my friends and all of them makes me feel like im too needy and i should understand because he was depressed.

if he dont wanna be with me why cant he just say it , we’re in long distance after all so it would be as hard. I cling to the stuff he did when we were in person or how our relationship was so great when first got together, so i cant call it off since im afraid i wont experience it again. i been depressed for 1,5 years because of him and it ruined my life and my work life. he’s the first man i ever truly loved and not a bad person thats why its hard to hate him. just a really bad boyfriend. Now i feel like i cant love again and every guy look unattractive to me. am i making the right decision if i just ghost him? i didnt reply his last text and its been a week , he doesnt even bother txting me again like i always did when he ignores me.

TLDR ; boyfriend keep using his depression to dissapear on me only to come back after i beg him and love bombing me only to do the same thing over and over again. told him its okay if he needs time as long as he told me, he said okay but actually gone without telling me at all , again. i feel disrespected and didnt text him back when he come back with the same BS he always told me, he didnt text me again , like i always do when he’s gone which makes me thing he doesnt care anyway and probably its good to end it by ghosting him. he caused me my mental health and my work all messed up. am i doing the right thing?

Submitted September 30, 2021 at 03:01PM by sociopathENTJ https://ift.tt/3iqLDUt