Hello! I'm going to go ahead and say sorry for how long this is.
TL;DR My Dad (58M) accused my Mom (56F) of paying someone to follow him in a blue truck, of recording him, of "seeking revenge" 6 years after they divorced. None of this is true so we are wondering how to move forward with getting him help.
Just some background: -My Dad is a very kind-hearted but introverted person. He does not have many friends and my sibling (28M) and I only have an "okay" relationship with him. We love him but he has never been super emotionally available with us (think stereotypical Boomer Dad).
-My parents divorced over 6 years ago and remain on friendly terms.
-My Dad's Father just passed away a few weeks ago after being on hospice for a few months. My Dad was the sole caretaker for his parents, we moved my grandmother to Assisted Living after he passed.
SO. My Mother (56F) called me last night stating she had something to discuss with me. Made me super nervous, but okay. She stated that a few days ago, my Dad showed up at her house at 830pm unannounced, which is very unusual. He asked that "he just wants whatever she's doing to stop".
Naturally, my mom was super confused and after some discussion, realized my Dad was accusing her of paying someone to follow him in a blue truck for the last two months. My Mom stayed calm and walked through the whole "You think after after almost 6 years I would want someone to follow you for what?", "What's the license plate # of thr truck", etc. with him. He states that she must want "revenge" because she "knows that I cheated on you and you've known all along". My Mom told me she did not know this and she told my Dad that after 6 years of a good family dynamic it wasn't really relevant to her anymore. My Dad went on to apologize, and stated he "wanted to confess to the kids, to your Mom (my grandma), to everyone, I can't do it anymore". My Mom talked him through that, stating it was his prerogative but really wasn't necessary. By the end of the visit she said he seemed calmer but also accused her of recording their conversation so she talked him down from that too. My Mom said during this visit my Dad was "very fidgety". He denied being under the influence of anything.
So my Dad left. My Mom, naturally freaked out and called her sister and my Dad's best friend. My Dad's friend's response? "Oh my gosh I've wanted to ask you how to deal with this for years."
What? He said, "I don't know how you talk him down when he has these episodes." Apparently my Dad has had this urge to confess to my Mom for years. His friend had been pushing the idea of counseling for a while now. Everything is a huge "conspiracy" when my Dad has these episodes, per his friend.
My Dad called his friend when he left my Mom's house and spent time talking to him, recounting what happened. Friend says he did not try to deny what happened and generally described everything exactly as it occurred. Friend also said when my Dad got home to his apartment he was anxious because "there was a man with tattoos next to the dumpster" of his building. By the end of their conversation, Friend said my Dad was calmed down and starting to become logical again, except stating "maybe that's what she (my Mom) wants me to do, she's got me right where she wants me".
So my Mom says she wanted to let me know in case my Dad showed up randomly so I would be prepared. She's going to tell my brother tomorrow in person. Once she does, I really want to try to get my Dad some help. Showing up at someone's house after years of thought is enough of a progression to make me really worry for his and my mom's safety. Ordinarily I'd say my Dad would be a lot more likely to harm himself than my Mom, but when he's not in his right mind it's hard to tell. His Father's death was probably a big stressor.
My Mom owns a gun and is proficient in using it (my Dad does not and is afraid of guns), all her doors and windows are secure so she said she still feels safe in her home. I recently moved and haven't had my Dad over yet so technically he does not know where I live. I want to suggest to my brother that only we try to communicate getting help with Dad, especially considering my Mom is now the subject of his delusions.
Any advice? It's terrible- I've dealt with people in crisis before but when it's your own Dad it's like everything just goes out the window. I know I can't make him get help, but I thought if we did therapy as a family unit (just him and us kids) we might be able to help him set up some better coping skills and logical thought processes. My sibling and I have mentioned counseling (for depression) to him for years, only for him to say he "doesn't need it".
Anything helps, thank you guys.
Submitted July 02, 2021 at 02:13AM by 1_DayAtATime https://ift.tt/3dAXDjM
No comments:
Post a Comment