Am I (32f) overreacting? Looking for advice on dating/sex/condoms after an experience with a casual date (40m)

I (32f) have recently been back on the dating scene and started talking to someone (40m) who seemed fantastic but an experience over the weekend left me infuriated.

Background - I was with the same person since we were kids and we split up at the end of 2018. So I essentially have had no dating experience my entire adult life. I took some time to figure myself out and started very casually seeing someone at the end of 2019 but called it off when I realized I wasn’t ready. Then Covid happened, so dating was out. Got my second shot and decided I’d get back in the game.

A few weeks ago I started talking to the guy in question and things were going really well. We met in person for the first time Friday and totally hit it off, ended up spending 3+ hours together until the restaurant we were at closed. We decided to see each other again the next day and he came to my place where we ended up getting hot and heavy. I asked him if he had a condom and he said he didn’t have one on him but had one in his car so I made him go out to get it, he did, and the sex was great. He brought in 3 condoms, used one, and left 2 on the nightstand next to my bed. We went out for dinner after and then to a bar for drinks. Both of us were pretty tipsy. We went back to my place where, and I feel like I need to emphasize this, there were 2 condoms on my nightstand. We had sex again and I don’t know if it was because of the alcohol or if I just wasn’t paying attention but I absolutely assumed he put a condom on. I thought it was weird that he didn’t get up right away to throw it away but after a few minutes I had to pee and when I got up I realized that not only did he not use a condom he finished inside me. He confirmed this when I went back into the bedroom at which point I told him I was really tired and had an early day and that he should go. I was so flustered and shocked I didn’t confront him about how fucked up I felt about this, but I’ve been incredibly upset to the point of tears since he left. What the fuck? Thank God I’m on birth control but now I need to go get tested because who knows who the fuck he has been with or what he has. I just feel extremely violated. Especially since the first time I insisted that he wear one I assumed this was setting a precedent.

He sent me a text today saying he felt bad and asking if I wanted him to buy me Plan B. Not even an apology! I never responded. I’m infuriated.

I’ve been with a total of 4 people sexually since my ex and I split (all men 30-40) and 3 of them have asked, tried, or in this case succeeded to have sex without wearing a condom.

Here are my questions: am I overreacting at all for being so upset? Is it normal to require that a guy I’m hooking up with wears a condom? Who’s responsibility is it to enforce this in a situation like mine - should I have asked him if he was wearing one before we started? Condoms aside - shouldn’t he have asked or said something before he finished inside of me? Is this a normal male behavior (not wanting to wear condoms) or do I just have terrible taste?

TLDR: Hooked up with someone twice, communicated that I require a condom the first time and he complied. Assumed he put one on the second time and learned afterwards that he did not.

Submitted May 23, 2021 at 09:46PM by shootingstars10 https://ift.tt/3fGz7hp