I feel super embarrassed for thinking this way, because I can take care of myself and shouldn't like test or judge how much my partner cares. But I just can't get it out of my head that they don't care and its bothering me a lot.
I got my second vaccine shot yesterday, and I'm going through the expected side effects, although I'm surprised at just how shitty they are. This headache is killing me, along with the chills and body aches. Everyone else I know who's gotten the vaccine has reported that the second shot is surprisingly tough, so I knew this was most likely coming. My husband seems to think if you take care of yourself properly, eat well and stay hydrated, you shouldn't have these side effects. I did make a point of timing when I ate to keep my energy up, like he suggested, I don't think I hydrated "enough" though. When I mentioned I could feel the side effects coming on he just said "well did you do what I said?" all judgmentally. I appreciate he was trying to help with his recommendations, but I also don't think its rational to think you can completely avoid the side effects and I just don't think his judgment is accurate here. And I feel like I'm being kicked while I'm down, blamed for how I'm feeling.
As the night wore on the headache really set in, along with all the other pains. I laid there mostly stoic, but it really hurt a lot and I think it was still somewhat noticeable that I was in pain. Its pretty normal I think for either of us to notice when the other is feeling bad and ask if we can do anything, or at least not want the other to feel bad, but he was just playing on his switch or on his phone and completely oblivious to me.
It probably sounds like I was putting on a show wanting sympathy or something, but I don't feel unwell very often. My husband is the one with more regular health issues, both physcial and depressive problems. If I ever say I'm not feeling well, its common for him to get competitive about it and respond with how he feels so much worse than I do. He's really not someone I look to for comfort. I'm always the one that's gotta suck it up precisely because he can't.
All I want I guess is for him to wish I didn't feel bad and express that he hopes I feel better soon, or something. What's bothering me is the indifference, or worse the judgmentality. The other day he was having a pretty bad morning with his depression, and was opening up to me about it, and I was crying along with him simply because any time he's in pain it hurts me too. I don't think I get even one iota of empathy from him though. I can't talk him into caring. I don't know what to say that doesn't sound crazy and self centered. Am I judging this all wrong? Sometimes I think if I'm going to be this ignored and alone, that I'd rather actually be alone.
tl;dr: Am I wrong for being bothered by this? How do I ask for expressions of caring or condolences, without sounding totally guilt trippy and ridiculous?
Submitted March 25, 2021 at 09:40AM by junegloom https://ift.tt/3snDD9M
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