Original post:
So my wife has suffered from psychosis / anxiety / delusions and paranoia for several years now and it has had a terrible effect on our relationship.
Last night she felt unwell, had a rash and had a bad nightmare which prompted her to call non-emergency medical services in the morning.
They sent out paramedics this morning to talk to her. I didn’t know they were coming.
I heard people knock at the door and then heard them talking to her so I worked out what was going on. I had been upstairs on the phone to family.
I could hear most of what was being said and was keen to hear their take on the situation and whether they would want to take my wife for psychological assessment. (She’d been sectioned and detained before). At that stage I didn’t want to interrupt the conversation.
It was clear the conversation was more about mental health than the physical sickness / rash.
I heard my wife recounting the bullying circumstances which led to her leaving her job and her mental breakdown six years ago.
During that conversation, I heard her say that she’d had a ‘work romance’ with a manager from her office back then, and had ‘spent the night with him twice’. This would have been before we were married and whilst we had previously been temporarily separated during a break.
She’d never told me any of this.
I made sure I’d heard and understood properly and went downstairs to discuss it. The paramedics were still there - I didn’t want her to be able to outright deny what she’d said.
They basically said she should see her GP to discuss options around treatment for her mental illness. It was awkward for them, so they finished the consultation as it were and left.
I asked my wife what had happened and repeated her own words to her. She said she’d had a crush and that had developed and he acted on it when she had gone to his hotel room during a conference.
Apparently he’d subsequently denied it (he was / is? married w kids). She said she didn’t really want to do it but did but it was consensual.
It transpires her parents knew (and also kept it from me).
She then said that she thought it happened but is not 100% sure because her mental illness means she has very real-seeming delusions. (She has previously said things about me and her family that were not true).
This was apparently also while we were separated but she seemed to say it was building during the time we were together. So whether she physically cheated is moot. Certain emotional cheating though.
When we got back together after our temporary separation (I had moved out), we both said that we had been faithful during that period. Conveniently she doesn’t remember that conversation.
It was all calm. I said I had at right to know back in 2010 and she let me propose in 2011 and marry her in 2012 all the while I didn’t know.
We said we can’t carry on, and that she would talk to her parents about buying me out of my half of the house. She asked if we could live together in a civil way during this period; I said I couldn’t afford to rent and pay the mortgage and bills so we’ll have to. She said I should contact a lawyer to talk about the divorce.
She said she was sorry her mental health has caused all these problems and she wanted me to be able to get on with my life. I felt sad for her when she said that.
So, this stage of it has come to an end, finally. I feel strangely calm. It’s not really a surprise although I didn’t really expect infidelity. It feels surreal. I still love her. I love this house. But this is for the best I think.
It’s not been working for years and the problems we face have been insurmountable. I’m finally defeated. I just hope the separation can be amicable and fair.
Thanks for reading.
TL; DR I heard my wife tell paramedics that she had been unfaithful years ago during a break before we were married. I spoke to her about it and we’ve agreed to divorce.
Submitted June 21, 2020 at 03:31PM by vvolof https://ift.tt/3djRxl2
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