We are a biracial couple (White(30F)/Latin(31M)) and have been together for a very long time (10+ years.) I have a successful business online with graphic design that is expanding more and more each year. He is not involved as much and has his own store, but still calls me his "sugar mama." He feels that because of the business aspect of things, my personal FB should be nothing but rainbows and unicorns, with nothing controversial mixed in. He is afraid I am going to lose business.
I am very passionate about the current movements going on and he doesn't seem to understand. My dad is "lowkey" racist and at dinner at my sister's the other night, we had a pretty decent, at times heated, open conversation about things. We all parted on good terms with my dad promising to be a better human being, as he understands that any future kids I have with SO will be mixed. When I went home and told my SO about what happened, he sent an apology to my BIL "on behalf of bumble" and that "she can be touchy about subjects." I did not think an apology was necessary as I did not bring up the topics and I did not think he needed to send one FOR me. Either way, I went to bed and that was that, or so I thought.
Yesterday morning, as soon as I got out of bed, he said "I deleted you off Facebook." Basically he told me I was going to ruin a 6 figure business because of posting "stupid shit" about BLM. I told him that I understood why he was upset and that I would hide all of my posts even though my profile is set to friends only. But he just kept on and on, getting angrier and angrier. He then told me that he drank a lot of my wine on top of his beer just to piss me off and because he was anxious. He usually drinks an 8pk of the 12/16 oz a day. But I told him I didn't care he drank my wine as I am not a huge drinker anyway.
I tried to get him to have an adult conversation with me instead of raising his voice and talking over me. Instead, it devolved into him saying some of the following:
- Fuck you - multiple times.
- Go live with mommy and daddy for a month. (My parents are not the best off and depend on me a lot - so I am sure this was meant sarcastically. He hates my parents.)
- I'm the man. Let me worry about our future kids.
- I can do what you do. I don't need you. I am better at business and could be at your level in a month.
- You've lost 5 businesses. How many have I lost?? ( I did - starting out I did not know what I know now and he loves to throw it in my face. I kept going though and I like to think that is what counts. He has RARELY worked. Ever. I have always been the one working while he plays video games and drinks beer all day. And when he does open a business he has me make all the designs and set everything up. All he has to do is make the orders. )
- You're the reason I drink so much.
- All you do is look at pretty pictures all day and artist shit.
- Keep doing shit I tell you not too and I'll be up to here and we'll be done.
- Smoking in my office and blowing smoke on my apparel for the business. Knowing that those are orders to go out today. Repeatedly being told to stop and just keeps doing it.
- Fucking idiot.
- I don't care if I'm spitting at you.
- If I say something fucking listen!
- You don't need to understand.
- I'm the logical one - so just fucking listen. I'm doing it for your own good.
- I'll no longer want a baby with you.
- Your dad should have died a long time ago. (He had a stroke a few years ago.)
- 6 figures - that's all I care about.
- B****- even after begging him not to call me that.
At one point, I tried to walk from our living area back to my office and that is when he started messing with my orders saying, I am not some white guy you can throw to the side. I was just trying to wake up and avoid a fight. I could barely get a word in as he just kept talking over me or yelling his points. I was trying to talk like adults, not toddlers.
I know this is a lot and this is the condensed version of JUST this fight. He does this every couple of months and just makes me feel like an ant because my parents are what you would consider redneck/white trash and his parents are educated. He throws this up that I am getting the better end of the deal because his genes are superior to what I would be giving any future kids.
I do not have many friends because he did not like them, so we fell out of touch. Some days I get this "wild hair" that I deserve so much better than this, but then I think about how much time I have invested in this relationship. And think maybe I can change a bit to make it easier. Some days I just want to disappear. He has said he will never change and that his way of speaking is who he is.
This is not a normal relationship, right? This is not how it is supposed to be? Any advice anyone can give me I would appreciate it.
TLDR - My SO is mad that I post controversial topics on FB. He starts a fight, is extremely demeaning and rude. He is now playing WOW and ignoring me, which will go on for days at a time.
Submitted June 21, 2020 at 10:28AM by bumble9855 https://ift.tt/3fQkWVH
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