My Mum passed away almost a month ago now. She was sick and had liver cancer but we didn't know until too late. It was aggressive and swift.
I am so very grateful that I moved home in October last year and I 'splashed out' and spent some good times with Mum. My Mum was full of excitement that I was home and we could do lots of exciting things together that when I was living 6 hours away we didn't get to do very often.
Tonight I was looking forward to hopping in the car and going out for dinner with my partner. I'm noticing at the moment I tend to get emotional around nice or happy times. What triggered it for me was thinking of how my Mum would be happy that we were going out for dinner together and having a nice time....she was the 'happy for other people' type. Especially after a shitty time with losing my cat on the 16th Jan and my Mum on the 8th Feb.
Obviously, I don't mean to ruin things with my partner by crying. I just said 'im sorry it tends to be the happy times that get me, Mum liked doing this kind of thing'. It isn't really any big secret he wasn't a fan of my Mum. He was like 'oh yeah, she liked to tag along and ruin our quality time.' I was disappointed and said 'that was a really mean thing you said about Mum'.. he kept driving and apologized but then turned around and said 'your mum would always see us doing something and want to tag along too. It's our quality time and she's still ruining it'. I said 'im sick of you bad mouthing my dead mother it's really hurtful. He wouldn't drop it and I knew it would be hard for me to forget what he had said and calm down so I said 'Take me home now.'
I don't care that Mum jumped in on the nice things we were doing.... I'm glad she did now. Little did I know, her time was limited. My boyfriend can't seem to understand I don't want him to keep running my Mum down. He keeps saying she was always trying to get between us etc.
I'm finding it really hard. I feel like I resent him for saying this crap. It makes me want to say 'I wish it was your Mum, then you might know how it feels' and then run her character flaws in his face when he's coming to terms with her death. That's a horrible thing to think let alone say so I just bite my tongue. I just keep it to myself. It's a sad time it's just f***d up that he thinks that it's okay to treat me like this..
Maybe he's never going to let me grieve the way I need to. Just letting stuff go... Not continuing to be frustrated... it gets us nowhere. Maybe he will continue to slag my Mum off. She was by no means perfect but nobody is. It's really hurtful and unnecessary...Any advice? I can't make him like her... It just seems incredibly unhealthy and unhelpful he is hanging onto this need to continue to remind me how she made his life difficult?!
TL;DR: Mum died of liver cancer a month ago very suddenly (only sick 3 weeks), huge shock to me after moving back home 4 months ago. I had some good times with Mum, bf didn't get along with her. I got upset on the way out to dinner tonight with him cos it triggered some happy memories I had with my Mum. He said 'she tagged along' and 'ruined our quality time together' over the past few months. I said he was mean but he refuses to stop pointing out all of my dead mothers 'flaws'. Any thoughts or advice?
Submitted March 05, 2020 at 03:09AM by spacecowgirlo0o https://ift.tt/38uvNQJ
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