My [30M] partner [30F] of 4 years with heavy anxiety has just asked if I want to leave and I don't know what to say

My partner of 4 years and I are seeing a couples psychologist. She has her own psychologist who is treating her for Cluster C personality disorder with anxiety and self esteem issues. She's quite sensitive and when she's had really rough days can be quite angry and lash out emotionally. I love her dearly though and appreciate that she's working hard to manage this. When she's volatile I never get defensive or argue back because that to me fails to recognise where the lashing outs come from (she's hurt and self doubting).

She's been waiting for me to propose however I've told her I'm not sure because internally I wanted to know if the situation would get better and if she would become better in control of her emotions. She has acknowledged how hard it would be to tolerate and always be on the end of her mood swings and said that I'll have to work out if I can learn to love her with that because it probably won't change.

I'm partially annoyed at her wishing she could just grow up and stop acting like a child because she's had a very privileged upbringing but I understand it's hard to overcome anxiety.

I'm also partly annoyed at the anxiety itself taking this amazing partner (when she's not anxious) away from me.

I have no idea what to do because she's essentially saying can I put up with this for the rest of my life. I don't want the anxiety, I want her; but I can't have one without the other. If I call her out every time she misdirects anger then I feel like I'll have to be parenting her tantrums and it'll take longer than just letting her say hurtful things then calming down. On the other hand I don't want our eventual kids thinking that behavior is acceptable in a healthy adult relationship.

TL;DR: My partner with heavy volatile moods has said I have to learn to love her how she is or leave and I don't know what to do. The obvious answer is to leave but I feel robbed of an amazing person.

Submitted March 05, 2020 at 01:16AM by PositronUncertainty https://ift.tt/39siTUX