UPDATE: How do I [26F] talk to my SO[21M] about needing him to keep my room tidy when he's staying over?
Original post:
I thought I would update on what’s happened since my post one year ago.
Shortly after, I chose an appropriate time to talk to R about the situation. I explained how it makes me anxious to come back home to a messy place and would rather keep it tidy as I go, specially if It’s when leaving the house and I’m not late for any commitments.
I also brought up that I thought it would be good for him to live by himself before we could consider living together. I explained that I used to be very messy when I first moved out of my parents house but with time learned the value of a tidy and clean space in which to feel relaxed. He thought about it and a while after said he thought I was right and he would like to have a go at living by himself, saying he was very excited even thinking about it.
In the days after the talk his attitude changed completely too. At times I would leave for work and he would stay at my house to do some other chores or come and pick me up earlier and take the bins out. He started spending more time at my house after this and we became much closer in the following months.
In September R started a new job and for logistical reasons we could not spend the night together unless we were both on a day off the following day (he works Monday-Friday and I work 4 shifts on 4 off). We would go a whole week without seeing each other for more than an hour or two, which was really abnormal for us. We started to make a big effort to meet up at any spare 15 minutes between our jobs and other commitments. Sometimes one of us would drive to the other one after work just to say hi for 10 minutes and then leave. It really showed how much we cared about the relationship.
Around this time I was looking for a new house as i had a raise at my job and could afford to live somewhere on my own as opposed to a shared house. I went to see a flat that was perfect for me. Ticked all the boxes, including budget. The only thing was that as soon as I saw it all I could think of was how it wasn’t to be just mine but mine and R’s.
That evening we sat down and I told him about the flat and what I thought as soon as I saw it. I explained how the efforts we had both put in the relationship over the last few months proved to me that we had a relationship worth cherishing. He asked me for some time to think about it and eventually said he too thought we should move in together. R said he didn’t feel like he needed to live alone to “discover himself”. We then sat down and wrote a list of things we would look for in a place, including a budget and how much we would need to spend on furniture, etc.
edit: this note now hangs in our bedroom wall as a sign of how we dreamed this house, planned it and accomplished it together.
By this time I had decided to forget about the perfect flat I saw and we decided to look for another place together. A few weeks go by and the agency calls me to say the flat I had seen a month before was still available and the landlord had lowered the rent. We went to see it and R loved it as much as me.
Over the last 5 months he has surprised me everyday. He has taken this flat and looked after it in a responsible adult way. R has been busy fixing everything that needed TLC in the house, spent time decorating the garden, he even signed up for cooking lessons so he could be better at making meals for us. His parents come over often and still don't believe the change in him.
We are two happy peas in a happy little flat.
Thank you all for your advice.
Special shoutout to /u/baffled_soap for this comment. It made me realise that maintaining a living space is a life skill anyone can learn.
TL;DR: we talked, R respected my space, 5 months after the post we moved in, having the best time in our little beautiful flat.
Submitted April 02, 2019 at 04:19AM by precisodeumconselho https://ift.tt/2FIzLZP
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