My boyfriend [23m] won’t set healthy boundaries with his abusive sister [27f] and it's ruining our relationship

I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years and we are in a very happy relationship. His parents love me, and my parents love him. I only have one younger sister, but he has two. X is his older sister, and Y is his younger one. Upon meeting both X and Y, I got along right off the bat with Y. X was a bit stubborn but I could understand why, my boyfriend used to bring many girls to the house that he wasn’t serious with and only dated for a few months. After 2-3 years pass I thought X’s feelings about me would change, sadly they’ve only gotten worse. She invites my boyfriend to do things with her boyfriend, whether that’s shooting or golf or something, and specifically asks him not to bring me. When his family invites us all to dinner, she never goes and tells her parents that I’m just a gold digger. She accused me of this ever since my boyfriend bought “us” a car, but I posted on Instagram a selfie or something saying “Thanks babe!” that she obviously saw. My boyfriend says that every time he hangs out with her, she shit talks me and tries to hook him up with her own friends. He told me this in January and she clearly knows that we’ve been dating for 5 years now. I’ve asked her upfront why does she talk shit about me, and that if she wants to talk like adults and not be petty that my DMs are always open. She told me that she thinks I’m a “spoiled brat” who doesn’t work for shit, that I’m controlling and fake. I didn’t know what to say to that but ended up just blocking her on all social media afterwards. 

My boyfriend and X are honestly very close, but only because he’s deathly afraid of her. When they were growing up she was always in control and would abuse my boyfriend every chance she got, Y was too young to witness or remember this abuse though. Up until now, my boyfriend has this image of X in his head that she basically gets whatever she wants and that nobody can stop her. She’s very abusive to her boyfriend as well, and limits him from seeing his family and always keeps tabs on him throughout the day. X even asked my boyfriend if he wanted the app to know where I’m at at all times, since I’m supoosedly “unloyal”. What makes me upset is that my boyfriend hasn’t said anything to X about me. He hasn’t defended me at all except for his parents. His parents will sometimes call X out when they overhear her making some joke towards me to her boyfriend or my boyfriend, and say “X that’s not nice! She’s a sweet girl”. My boyfriend and I got into a major fight a few weeks about X and I asked him to start stepping up to his role as a boyfriend and to defend me against his toxic sister. He promised he would, but I brought it up again on Monday and he said “Well I can’t just cut her out, she’s my sister. I’m also invited to her wedding so I promise I’ll do it after.” My heart nearly broke after hearing this. For one, I didn’t even know she was getting married since I blocked her off everything, but since my boyfriend is one of her fiance’s men of honor, I guess she set him up with a maid of honor she wants him to “talk to”. 

Throughout all of this I have been hurting, I haven’t had the chance to redeem myself to her because she won’t give me the opportunity to. I have asked my boyfriend to defend me in front of her or to set boundaries when she shit talks me again, but he told me the only thing he can do is to ignore her up until the wedding, because I guess he got really close with his sisters fiancé and now they’re like best friends. What sucks too is that I’ve actually met her fiancé here and there and he’s always been super nice to me, but occasionally he’ll bring up the fact to my boyfriend that X doesn’t think I’m good enough for him and that he could do much better. I never did anything to her, my boyfriend claims this will all blow over, but she’s slowly cutting me out of her life and I can’t do a thing. Yes, I know, not everyone is going to like you, but I really thought X and I could’ve been friends and even “kind of” got along in the very beginning. She has told my boyfriend that if he were to marry me she would cut him out of her life completely and so my boyfriend is holding off, even though before this talk he was mentioning rings and venues we could get. I would have never thought my relationship could get ruined by one person, but every day I’ve been thinking about just leaving my boyfriend even though I love him soooo so much. I’ve asked my boyfriend to at least message her saying, “If you want to still be involved in my life, you need to stop shit talking my girlfriend in front of me and respect our relationship” but he told me he doesn’t want to start drama. At this point I don’t know what to do, I obviously can’t force him to stick up for me, and I can’t defend myself because X always schedules her time with my boyfriend without my knowledge and asks him NOT to bring me. When I ask to join, he tells me that he’d rather not take me since it’ll just build unnecessary tension.

TLDR: My boyfriend has a toxic older sister who is ruining my 5 year relationship with him. Instead of setting healthy boundaries with her, my boyfriend hasn’t said a word to her about how he feels since he’s scared to AND because he’s invited to her wedding where he’s best friends with the groom.

Submitted April 26, 2019 at 01:22PM by joscelyndev http://bit.ly/2VuGrEF