He's 22 and I'm 24 female. We've been together for 3 years.
So his mom is divorced and right now has a boyfriend (they got together Feb 1 2019). She's calling my fiance constantly and he always picks up. They always talk for roughly an hour. Yesterday after me and my fiance had a heated discussion about him and his mom, she called randomly at 11 pm.... And he ignored it. But then when my friend that i hadn't seen in a long time called me, he said, "I'm going to call my mom'' and left the room. He's living with me and she's always wanting to see him, just to "talk." They live 25 minutes away and she's unemployed, so you'd think gas would stop her but nope. She comes over at least once a week just to pick him up to "talk." His mom would sometimes pick him up to go drink coffee and talk... Once he was gone and my mom asked where he was and i said, "he's with his mom." She asked why and i said, "to talk.... idk, like, he's supposed to read her something." and i trailed off because even that lie sounded lame to my ears. My mom said, "Really.... Why couldn't they just speak on the phone?" Recently I've been going with them, but he had implied heavily to me that i was not to go with him that time. So i assumed it was something private, but when he came back, it wasn't so private because apparently his little brother had been there too.
And yesterday things got heated because he had a docs appt and usually his mom takes him. But he had just got his license (although he's been driving me all over before when we lived at his house). So because he got his license, i told him, "you won't need your mom to take you then" and he agreed. But the day of, he said he preferred "to be driven by someone else.. That someone, being my mom." I'd been having a suspicion that he purposely was taking his sweet time getting his license so he'd have an excuse to be reliant on her. So she took him, and we had a thing planned at 5:30 so i told him to come back on time. He said the appointment would take roughly 1 hour (he left at 2:30) but "unless my mom might want to talk." And not to mention how he was super uppity beforehand, texting and calling her to make sure she didn't forget, and "where are you? Are you on your way?" So he left and came back at 6:30, but only because I had been bugging him to hurry back since the friend we were going to see had a super early bedtime @ 8:30 since she wakes up at 4 am. when he got back, he stayed a little longer by the car, talking to his mom. He always does that.
And turns out, there was a mistake and he didn't have an appointment!!!! so his mom just took him home to hang out with his family (brothers, dog, grandma, cousin). When he was telling me, i was visibly shaking with rage. First of all, if he had just driven there like a normal 22 year old, he would've found out about not having an appointment and would've just returned. Secondly, HIS MOM KNEW HE HAD TO GET BACK BY 5:30, yet she kept him so long????? Wtf???? And this isnt the first time. Whenever his mom takes him places, she always keeps him there for way too long. One time he came back at 1 am and he didn't have keys so i had to wait up for him.
Well, we talked about what had just happened with the docs appointment, and he said that she told him to bring me around more though, and that she had been "trying to back off." okay, sure, if calling every goddamn day is backing off. And he told me that he feels like he's cheating whenever he hangs out with her because he feels like he's "not supposed to."
I'm still pissed off from yesterday. I think when you're jealous of your fiance's mother, something is really, really wrong. Especially since i'm not the jealous type (we were in an open relationship for 3 months once and he closed it.) I think next time this comes up, I'm going to straight up tell him that I feel like his mom is his second girlfriend. I feel like we're fighting for him, but he's my FIANCE. We shouldn't be fighting for his affections. I feel like she's crossing lines of what is appropriate here. I get that he's her son but lay off! And i'm always asking him where he is and when he'll be back, because he's always with her. So he told her this, and she said that i was being controlling and "why does she care so much." When before, when he was still living with her, she allowed him to visit me but he had to be back before she got home. The entire first 2 years we were together she kept her space like a regular mom. She called once a month and visited even less frequently.
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TL;DR; fiance's mother is acting like they're dating (late night phone convos, little coffee "dates," etc.) and he's going along with it.
Submitted April 27, 2019 at 08:51AM by Splashstorm http://bit.ly/2ZICc7I
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