I (24M) feel like I can't shake this fantasy about a certain type of relationship and I want to know how other people have dealt with similar feelings

I'm a cisgendered gay man and ever since I realised my sexuality I feel like I've had this particular fantasy of what I would like a relationship to look like.

For anyone who isn't gay, there tends to be a trope in movies about gay romance where the main character will have a love interest who's a little bit more masculine, more confident, more forthright, maybe a bit taller, a bit more straight acting or even closeted. The main character will usually pine after him and suffer through how his own sexuality is perceived, but then the love interest decides that he wants the main character back and suddenly every problem is solved (if the movie has a happy ending).

It's not really a realistic version of a relationship but as a lonely country gay kid I ate it up and fantasized about this confident and in-control man who was going to just one day see me across a crowded room and decide that he wanted to be with me. Unfortunately, since gay men pretty much universally have to deal with coming out, homophobia and rejection on some level, outside of overtly sexual situations, gay men tend to be very guarded and nobody really wants to take on all of the emotional risk of initiating a relationship themselves.

So that brings me to today, where I've had a number of fulfilling relationships including my current one, but I can't shake this stupid fantasy. Intellectually I know that it's more a fantasy about being accepted - having a a handsome straight acting white man, the pinnacle of social capital, decide that he wants me above everyone else - but emotionally I still have moments of sighing to myself and thinking how nice it would be to be swept off my feet by some man without even needing to try.

I know that this isn't a realistic or healthy form of relationship, and I think that a man who actually acted like that would either be so controlling that I'd hate it, or be prone to moving on to the next person when he gets bored. I just want some advice on how I can ditch the teenage fantasy and focus more on the great man that I'm dating/men I'll date in future.

TL;DR - I can't seem to let go of my teenage fantasy of a romance movie relationship, even when I'm happy with someone else.

Submitted April 26, 2019 at 01:47AM by Thelexhibition http://bit.ly/2ZGdULZ