Every year of high school, I told myself I wasn't going to go to prom. It wasn't because I was trying to be edgy or cool, it's just that I knew I wouldn't have people to go with. I wasn't worried about having a date as in like a boyfriend but still, I knew I wouldn't have a friend group or single friend.
Well it's my senior year, my prom is June 1st and I graduate June 14th. I have a gay friend named Josh, and to be honest at this point I only think he's my friend because he doesn't have any other friends. Like me he is a recluse and doesn't talk much. We're both silent people. We worked at a fast food job together. Josh has only always cared for his needs, he copies off of my work, never wanted to give me a ride to work (I don't have my own car yet), I would buy him food, I picked up his slack at our job, etc. Basically I feel like I've done everything and he doesn't do anything for me. Honestly at this point he is my only real/close friend so I didn't ever say anything because one friend like him in my eyes was better than none.
Well we got prom permission slips at school and I actually felt happy. I wanted to go to prom and have a good time, so I asked Josh if he wanted to go with me since I knew he wasn't going to go with anyone else and he said yes. I was really happy and immediately started looking for dresses. I actually found a really nice dress on Amazon for like $130 and even though I have a job my grandma offered to pay since she said it's my senior year and she wanted me to go to prom since she never did when she was in school.
Fast forward to the Saturday that just went by, she stopped by my house and brought the dress, it had been shipped to her house instead of mine because she forgot to put her own address. She helped me get it on, and I felt so happy to be in it. It's just so pretty and the green contrasts well with my skin tone and ginger hair. I texted Josh and told him my prom dress had come in. He texted back and said "I forgot to turn the prom form in". I tell him "We don't turn it in until we buy the tickets at the end of May". Basically he went on to tell me he didn't want to go anymore because he didn't think it would be fun. I was so mad and upset, I had my dress on and I just looked at myself in the mirror. I couldn't break down because my family was around but I felt like a ghost wearing it all of the sudden. I finally just asked my grandma if I could take it off since I needed to go to the bathroom so I did. I put it in a drawer in my room and just sat in the bathroom for a bit.
I was mad at Josh and told him how shitty he had been to me, this was one thing I wanted to do and we didn't even have to stay for long. What hurt me even more is remembering my other gay male friend who I had who told me I would never go to a dance because I was too socially awkward and a hermit to try. We had stopped talking because he had become so rude and nasty towards me and basically replaced me with more popular people that he would talk shit about to me every other night.
Back to Josh though, a day later he made up an excuse that he didn't have the money and that's why he didn't want to go - this was such bullshit in my opinion. If he didn't have the money he would have told me earlier on or asked me to pay for his ticket. He's not poor either, his mom has bought him a new phone, brand new car (in under two years), and takes him every three weeks for a pedicure. I told him I didn't believe him and that he had really hurt me. He kept trying to talk to me normally without even apologizing to me, just more excuses, but I kept ignoring him. These conversations took place over Instagram and I went back just now to see he had deleted all of the messages he had sent me, it's just me sending things and not getting anything back now because well he removed them all.
What makes this even worse is that he applied to the job I have now. My manager didn't call him back for two weeks but a day after our fight she tells me she's going to call him back, but also told me she wasn't going to schedule us the same days because she said teenagers working together gave her headaches. I just went to the bathroom and cried in a stall for like a few minutes before having to go back to work.
There's more things I'm upset about at the moment but this one just makes me really sad and I'm not sure what I'm going to do with myself anymore. The dress is still sitting in either my drawer or closet now and I don't have the guts to tell my grandmother I'm not going anymore. My family was so proud of me for wanting to go since I have a really bad time socializing and making friends and now I have to turn around and say my own "date" cancelled on me and I don't have any other friends to go with. I'm going to see all of my other senior classmates going while I'll probably be at home. At least none of them will probably ask why I didn't go because they probably won't notice I wasn't there.
I hope this post didn't sound too edgy or depressing but I'm in such a gutter right now I'm not sure what to do. Venting helped me since I can't talk to anyone else at the moment, even my own therapist cancelled my appointment because she went on vacation and I can't see her until next week.
TL;DR - Prom date cancelled on me, have no one else to go with, feel like shit.
Edit - Thank you to the one person who downvoted this right when I posted it lol
Submitted April 25, 2019 at 09:58PM by relike http://bit.ly/2UFes0J
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