Boyfriend and I have been together almost 8 months, and he has been living in my house (temporarily, due to military housing issues) since Jan. 1st 2019. I've had a rough couple months- battling addiction, got fired from my job that I loved, and ended up being unemployed for most of January (I start my new job this Friday.) Because of everything that has happened, I've been depressed and not taking care of myself as much- because anything more than the bare minimum seems like too much. Boyfriend has been mainly great. Some frustration, but I can't lie and say that I've been easy to live with because in many ways I haven't been- and I own that. It's been a lot of emotional conversations and interventions and the like, but lately I've been feeling better and starting to do more each day in preparation for the new job.
Anyway. today. We had had a series of really good days. I was feeling good, he was feeling good, we were happy and communicating, etc. Then tonight I showered and shaved my legs (because it had been a few weeks and they were getting scratchy, and he had made a few good natured jokes about the hair poking him.) I came back to my room and was complaining about how long it took, and he got this look on his face like there was something he wasn't saying, and very measuredly said "That's why you should do it every few days, so it doesn't build up." I told him that I didn't like shaving so often, because it takes forever, and besides, I shave my armpits and my lady bits 2-3 times a week, just not my legs (I'm blonde.) He then said "Yeah, it's just a hygiene thing though." It was at that point that I realized he actually had a problem with me not shaving, and after I pressed him, he said "Listen, I just don't find hair on girls attractive. Its just a personal preference. I believe in being tidy and hygienic for your partner, thats why I shave my pubes every day and shower twice a day and brush my teeth." I told him that I also do those things, and fail to see what leg hair has to do with hygiene- besides, he has it too. He made some vague comment about how its different for girls. and I got mad.
It turned into a huge fight, and he kept saying "You came in here looking for a fight, I don't know what I did wrong here." I kept explaining that no, I never wanted to fight, I just don't like being told by my boyfriend that something as arbitrary as leg hair is enough to turn him off (especially blonde, nearly invisible hair.) I then told him that if he expected me to do something long and tedious every single day in the name of his own preferences, then he was going to get the Nair out of my drawer and get rid of every hair in his ass crack for me, in the name of my arbitrary personal preferences. I also made the point that I have never (and would never) criticize his appearance unless his hygiene were to become really, really bad (i.e. no showers, no toothbrush, no shaving, etc) but that he has always been clean so I have no complaints. I think its fair to ask that your partner be fairly clean, but I am clean.
He left for the gym in a huff, still maintaining that I was overreacting and that he wishes he had just kept his mouth shut. I mean, I get that we as a society are brainwashed into thinking all women should look like preteen girls all the time, but I can't believe that its so deeply ingrained in him that he can't find a woman with hair attractive. I knew he liked clean shaven lady bits early on, but that was never an issue because I keep myself clean shaven down there because of personal preference, and have done for years. I'm just so mad and hurt, because now I know I'll always be self conscious about leg hair and I really didn't need another thing to be self conscious about in my life.
Was I overreacting, or was he being kind of an asshole? How do we fix this? How can I explain my point of view rationally?
TLDR- Bf and I had a fight because he said he doesn't find it attractive when I don't shave my legs consistently. I'm angry and hurt, he thinks I overreacted. What to do?
Submitted January 29, 2019 at 07:49PM by Freshman50000 http://bit.ly/2DH5zi2
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