Throwaway account because my husband is on reddit.
My husband and I got married less than a year ago and things have been confusing. Before we got married, my husband had no problems or complaints about our relationship. Even when I would directly ask him if there was anything he was bothered by, he would always say that everything was fine. He was really supportive of my goals and dreams and was a kind and thoughtful person. After marriage, suddenly everything I did became an issue. He feels that when I spend time with friends that I am putting them over him. When I work longer hours (not because I want to but the job requires it) he says I'm putting my job over him. When I ask other people for help or advice rather than going to him (even when his advice is usually, "I don't know, ask someone else") he gets upset with me. Whenever he's upset, he gives me the silent treatment and pretends I don't exist, going so far as to sleep on the couch to avoid me.
I've tried to accommodate him by including him when I go out with friends/cancelling on friends, getting up at odd hours of the morning to do work after he's fallen asleep, asking him for help with other things I could take care of myself so that he gets an ego boost. But, whenever I cancelled my other plans to spend time with him, he would give me the silent treatment or have me pick what we should do only to completely check out and be on his phone the whole time. When I included him in our group outings he wouldn't really engage in conversations with them. He'd just watch all of us talk which creeped out my friends. Eventually, he found out about me doing work at weird hours and would confront me because he wanted me to be in bed with him. I'd comply and go back to bed with him but be up all night thinking about the work I would have to do and that there was no time to do it. When I would ask him for help with things, he would get annoyed, say he didn't know how to do that or do such a bad job that I had to redo what I asked him to do.
I've also tried to encourage him to join some clubs, make friends and even go to counselling for what may be depression because I thought that maybe if he had other things beside work and myself going on in his life, he would be happier. At first he would offer to try but ultimately never put any effort into finding friends, hobbies, interests or counselling. He said that he didn't need to because he doesn't need any of those things in his life.
Things came to a head last month when my boss recommended me for a travel assignment that often results in promotion for people who go and do well. I was excited to get the offer and shared the news with my friends and family. My husband congratulated me at first but then said that maybe I should rethink the offer because he wouldn't be able to take off work for 3 weeks to come with me. I was floored and hurt that he was actually asking me to rethink this because he couldn't come with me. I don't know what came over me but I told him that I was taking the offer whether he could come or not because it was an amazing opportunity. He was upset at first but then became very supportive when I didn't budge. He even became more excited than I was.
This sudden, about face was really surprising and confusing to me. It has happened before with much less important things too but I can never predict when he will respond with being supportive vs when he will respond with the silent treatment. While I respect our marriage and the vows we made, I've decided that regardless of how he responds, I still have a life to live and goals to accomplish.
I'm wondering: What I can do to keep thriving as a person even when he acts like this?
TL;DR: How do I not let my husband's moodiness, antisocialness and general lack of interest in thing control or dictate my life?
Submitted January 30, 2019 at 09:32AM by Throwaway3485502850 http://bit.ly/2GbsYtE
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