My best friend[31F] thinks her boyfriend[38M] prefers me[31F] and that I'm trying to steal him away from her

Bear with me, this is long, TLDR at the end.

I have been friends with Mandy since I was 8 years old. We grew up together, kept in touch even when my parents moved miles away a year later to the middle of nowhere.

I have seen her struggle through all her relationships while she has seen me struggle to feel normal about not really wanting to date anybody.

I'm what they call a demisexual, which is basically a fancy word for saying that I generally do not get romantically or sexually attracted to people (with very few exceptions, and those exceptions can only be people I have formed a really strong bond with over the years.) We'll come back to this later.

Anyway, I have pretty much gotten along with all of Mandy's boyfriends. I'm pretty sociable and chatty, and I'm pretty good at drawing people out when they're shy. She always went for the serious, silent type, which sort of mirrors her own personality. Some of them turned out to be actually nice, some of them were assholes and one of them was hiding an entire double life from her and had illusions of grandeur.

Mandy stayed single for at least a year after that one per my advice. Enter current boyfriend, Frank. She knew him from work and before they started dating they had known each other for at least a year. Frank is not silent. Frank also isn't all that serious. He's witty and always has a story to tell. When I met him we hit it off immediately, because we are alike. I also noticed he drew her out of her shell like I did and she seemed happy.

She later told me him being sociable was a nice change of pace but she worried about him getting close to other female colleagues, in particular one who was already married and had a kid. It got to the point where she forbade Frank to talk to that colleague and participate in team outings she would also be, despite frank assuring Mandy she was the one he wants.

The end of the year approached and I invited her over to celebrate the new year with my parents as we always did (she doesn't have a good bond with hers). I told her she could bring Frank too, I had a room for them.

They arrived and it seemed great. Frank clicked with everyone who was present and he seemed comfortable. Mandy seemed to enjoy herself too though as usual she was sometimes a bit overwhelmed by my family's talking (we are pretty loud). I would tell her to come pick a new drink or snack from the kitchen so she'd have a breather.

We all stayed up till 3am which for Mandy is like a record because she's an early riser by nature. I took it as a good sign. Next day we all just chilled, watched netflix, talked. Good start of the new year, I thought.

I was wrong.

A few days later I get a text from Mandy saying that she didn't wanna say anything but that she thought the dress I was wearing on new years eve showed too much cleavage and was too revealing. (It was a typical V-neck dress with medium sleeves and I don't have big boobs. I had worn it on her b-day half a year earlier with zero comments.)

A week later, I get a phonecall from her, innocently asking me how I thought it all went, what I thought of Frank. I thought she wanted my opinion because she had trouble trusting her own judgment after what happened with her ex. This was the first time I spent 2 days in a row with Frank present. I told her I really enjoyed myself, thought Frank was a great guy, blah blah.

Then she asked me: "Would you date him if he wasn't with me?"

Dumb me still didn't get it, but I told her: "Friends don't date each other's boyfriends. And I don't really date anyway."

Her: "You sure? Because he said he likes you too and you can live happily ever after when we break up."

Then the crying started. I asked what the hell was going on and she said Frank had basically said the same thing I had re: new years and she thought that proved he liked me better. Started talking about how she was gonna buy new clothes to be more appealing, etc.

I asked if Frank said anything negative about her and she said he hadn't but that he was annoyed when she said she thought he flirted with me (which I didn't think he did, I even asked my family if they noticed anything and they hadn't).

In the end I managed to assure her that him asking her to move some weeks ago was a pretty big sign he was taking their relationship seriously and that she should trust him. She seemed relieved.

Another week passes and I get a voice message from her saying she had to get it off her chest. And suddenly there's this whole rant about my dress again, how it was really inappropriate. The fact I curled my hair, that my makeup bag in the bathroom was so big. (Truth: I always hid it when I was younger, because I was afraid of judgment). That I used to be more humble, how loud my family was.

She started dissecting every interaction I had with Frank, adding new meanings to innocent things like hugging someone goodbye when they get ready to leave. (I hug everyone I invite, including her, always have). She basically says she thought I was flirting with him. Tells me she has seen this negative change in me develop over the last couple of years but had to say something now. And that she would call later to talk this out.

This was the evening before my b-day and I was pissed.

Anyway, she calls. I say I'm deeply disappointed that she would tear me down to compensate for her own insecurities. I tell her I'm even more disappointed that she apparently thinks I, her best friend of 23 years, would try to mess with her relationship. And not only that but that she thinks I, someone who rarely dates and has only fallen in love twice, with people I had known literal years, would suddenly fall head over heels for a guy I had spent a few days with.

None of this landed. It was all about her insecurities and how I had literally made her wanna overhaul her entire wardrobe to please Frank, and how she thought me getting along so well with frank somehow lessened their relationship. I asked her again if Frank in any way told her he wanted her to be more like me and she couldn't come up with examples. I told her that nothing ends a relationship faster than jealousy. We sort of talked it out but in the end I was still pissed.

My bday arrived. I get a generic, emoji-heavy text message that could rival the MLM huns on Facebook. Not even a card.

A week later I get a message saying she wants to hang out at my place, catch up blah blah. Like nothing happened. I said I had someone else coming over.

Now she wants to come this weekend. I am still pissed, if I'm really honest. I don't really know what to do with that or how to address it. Maybe I'm overreacting. Feel free to tell me if I am.

TLDR: my best friend of 23 years thinks her boyfriend prefers me over her after they spent the new years celebration with me and my fam. I am basically asexual, I rarely date and she knows this. I sure as hell won't date my friend's bf. Didn't stop her from saying my clothes were too revealing and accusing me of flirting with him just because we get along well. I asked the other people who were present and none of them thought Frank and I had that kind of chemistry, just her.

I'm really hurt she thinks after all these years that I would try to mess with her relationship. I told her this but it wasn't really acknowledged and now she acts like nothing happened and wants to hang out. I'm still hurt and want to address it but don't know how.

Submitted January 29, 2019 at 04:47PM by 331845739494 http://bit.ly/2RYyQNW