TL;DR My gut tells me to leave my husband because things don't feel right anymore, but can't tell if this is just normal relationship stuff because I've never been in one before.
EDIT: repost because I used a bad word earlier- sorry
My (33/F) husband (37/M) have been together for 8 years, and married for 3. Lately I have felt a considerable decline in our "togetherness". He often either consistently opposes my point of view, or ignores me entirely. It can be just us in the room watching TV, and I will say something, and it will be met with 0 response. We can never agree on what to even watch anymore, we never want to go and see the same films, nor do we want to go for the same events (e.g. he wants to go see a pretentious art exhibit, and I would rather stab myself in the eye). He's become extremely touchy about money, even though he earns nearly twice what I do and has no debts. Sometimes I need to remind him when he owes me for rent, because I have loans to pay and he can be forgetful about things unimportant to him. Cue the apocalypse.
He's always had a problem with sharing and intimacy, so much so that we never talk about how our days have been after work, and I've had to program into him when to hug, when to kiss, and when to have sex (before I did that, he did none of these things voluntarily. Hell, before we lived together we once went 19 months without sex). It all feels very one-sided, with me putting in all the effort, and him passively taking life as it comes. Apparently he has been like this in all his previous relationships, which might be why he can never quite explain why any of them ended.
This brings me to the fact that I'd never been in a relationship before I met him. This isn't due to any religious stuff - I'm just crap at dating. I was 26 before someone finally wanted to hold my hand. Now we practically walk on opposite sides of the street.
When he proposed it was impromptu with no ring, and he put no thought into it, but his rambling stream-of-consciousness follow-up about me being his best friend after blurting out "hey, shall we get married?" won me over and I agreed. Now I'm realising that he puts no thought into anything, and lives only for his own needs. He's not a bad person, and I do love him very much. But I keep swinging back and forth between feeling happy and safe with him and wanting to throw him out of the house because he makes me feel worthless. He even refuses to come with me to therapy because he doesn't want to talk about actual feelings, and my therapist has given up on him. He instead tells me to consider why I am even staying in this relationship when it makes me feel like a waste of space.
Am I making a mistake? Am I being a jerk? I'm pretty sure I'll never re-marry if this were to end, and will probably stay celibate, but I'm starting to feel OK with that. Is this normal in relationships?
Submitted January 31, 2019 at 04:34AM by Hammertoad85 http://bit.ly/2HJ1Fcj
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