My [27f] fiancee [33m] is going on an international trip with another woman [28f]. I can't help but feel extremely jealous and uncomfortable.

My fiancee Ben (4yr relationship) is going on a trip with his friend Sarah. The trip is to go on safari in Africa, and is at Sarah's initiative. I guess I might have been invited too, but that's a non-starter because of my work commitments. It will be Ben, Sarah, and one or two other people. To be honest, I am very, very uncomfortable with this. For the duration of my and Ben's relationship, all of our vacations have been together. In my view, it's not really appropriate for an engaged/married person to go on a huge trip like this with someone other than their partner. Like, it's to the other side of the world from where we are, for more than 10 days, and it's a bucket-list type experience. I would absolutely love to go on safari in Africa, but I just can't get that much time off work right now. I'll be honest: I am jealous. I want to have that experience myself, and it hurts to imagine Ben experiencing it for the first time with someone other than me. It seems like a big bonding experience. We have both traveled extensively before the start of our relationship (and since then), so it's not as though we have to experience everything together in life. We do have separate hobbies, though neither of us is exactly a social butterfly. But this still feels weird.

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To complicate matters, Ben and I have been struggling lately. About a year ago he broke my trust by flirting with someone else and being dishonest about it, and I've struggled to feel secure in our relationship since then. There have also been several circumstances outside of our control (death in the family, work stress) that have added additional strain. I don't want to hold Ben back from experiencing life, but again I feel it's not appropriate to be going off on this big trip with another woman, and especially not while we both feel like we are on shaky ground. It feels like him investing a lot in something that is threatening to our relationship. I don't think he is trying to get in Sarah's pants, but I know that an experience like this naturally builds a lot of connection and intimacy, and I feel threatened by that. I trust Sarah and I don't think she has any bad intentions. But it's still hard for me to swallow the idea of her and my fiancee seeing these beautiful landscapes and amazing animals and all of these things together, without me.

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Ben and I do have a vacation planned together this year, to a more local destination and for a shorter amount of time. He doesn't seem nearly as excited about that trip- the destination was my pick, and, let's be real, few things are as exciting as an African safari.

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Thus far, I haven't tried to stop Ben from going, but we both know I'm unhappy about the trip. He has gotten defensive about it on several occasions and that just makes me feel worse because I feel like I have no input in this situation. He says he wants me to feel supported, which I appreciate. But deep down I hate this whole idea.

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I need some outside perspective. Am I being overly controlling and need to let it go? Is it reasonable to be uncomfortable with this? How can I get over it and let my partner live his life?

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tl;dr Fiancee planning to go on safari in Africa with another woman. No precedent for this in our relationship. I'm jealous. Reasonble or I need to get over it? Both? Please help

Submitted January 30, 2019 at 01:57PM by puero http://bit.ly/2SeJX4I