Ex bf (29m) found out I (27f) hooked up with someone else after breakup. I only did so after finding out he had first: now he won’t speak to me. We still live together.

Kind of stuck here. Title states the basics but I can give some back story without too much detail.

We dated for 2.5 years, lived together for 2. I had suspicions he was cheating multiple times throughout our relationship but never had proof. I was 100% loyal and never even thought about cheating but ultimately broke it off when I realized I could never fully trust him. He immediately left after we broke up and went to another girls place (while I stayed home and cried for hours) this was just before Christmas. We are still living together in a studio apartment until feb 14th as that’s the earliest he can move out to a new place. Since the breakup things have gone pretty smooth as we were friends before dating and are trying to be civil and as adult about this process as possible. We both wish each other the best and still genuinely care for each other, we just aren’t good together.

A couple of weeks ago a friend sent a screenshot of his dating profile someone had seen after we had agreed we wouldn’t see other people while we still lived together out of respect for each other. He apologized and said it was a mistake and he was embarrassed. We made up and moved on as we were trying to have little drama about this whole thing. We had actually been living as great roommates since and better friends since. Things went on well as we finalized he would be moving out Valentine’s day and he had started packing up some small things.

Last week one of exbf’s guy friends told one of my girlfriends that exbf had confessed to him last summer that he had cheated on me while on a work trip in Vegas the year prior. My gut had told me he did the night it happened while I was till back home but whenever I would press him on this over the months that followed he would angrily deny it and passionately tell me he would never ever cheat on me. It bothered me so much we went to a counselor about it and she even asked him if there had been any infidelity in Vegas and he lied to her face. Well a couple days after finding out he had in fact been lying to me the whole time, I reached out to an old friend I knew always had a thing for me and we met up for drinks, kissed and called it a night. A few nights later I went over to his place to hang out again and we slept together. The next day while talking to exbf I also finally got him to confess to cheating on me a few other times in our relationship that I had been suspicious of. I guess because I wanted to feel like my gut had been right but maybe I also wanted to feel validated for sleeping with someone else so quickly.

Last night before dinner exbf and I were casually talking about where he would be moving to when I brought up him hooking up with someone else the other night (I convinced him to tell me he had this weekend as I had a suspicion). I made a joke about it and he made a joke back asking if I had hooked up with anyone. I am a terrible liar and just didn’t say anything. His face went white as a sheet and the smile wiped away from his face. He started asking who and how many times. I wouldn’t answer other than it doesn’t matter and it was a mistake and too soon. I told him I thought it would make me feel better after finding out about Vegas but that it really didn’t (it actually did though but I don’t like dealing with him when he’s upset.) He then shut himself in the closet and wouldn’t speak to me at all. I made dinner and once it was ready he came out and ate, made a couple comments about what was on tv then went right to bed.

Since we are in a studio we have been still sharing our king bed and just putting pillows between us or taking turns sleeping over at friends places. Last night when I got in bed after him I could tell he had been crying as we was still sniffling. As I laid there it sounded like he started crying again very quietly. He eventually got up and said he wishes he could leave but doesn’t have anywhere to stay tonight and moved to the couch.

This morning was completely transactional while we got ready then once he was at work he texted and said “I’m sorry but this is the way it’s going to be from now on and until I leave” and “now that I know you’ve been with someone else I can truly detach and move on”.

I just feel like it’s a complete double standard that he was able to cheat on me multiple times in our relationship AND hook up with someone else after we broke up multiple times but I do it one time and he can’t even look at me?! Like I have been mature and accepted he is going to hook up with and do whatever he wants and I’m not going to let that affect the fact that I still wish him the best in life and want to treat him as normal as possible but he can’t give me the same respect? I just don’t get why it was ok for him and not me. I am looking for any ideas on how to get him to see this reasoning and talk to me like we are friends again like we had been even after I found out about him instead of giving me the silent treatment like a child. I had prided myself and us on our ability to somewhat stay friends and handle this so maturely with each other up until this point and I don’t want to see it end like this. How can I get him to come around? Once he moves I know we will be going no contact but I still want it to end on good terms before that and not like this.

TL;DR: Ex boyfriend cheated throughout relationship and hooked up with people after we broke up. I had accepted all of this and still been cordial, nice while we still live together. He finds out I hooked up with someone else and completely shuts down. How can I get him to accept he is being unreasonable and go back to being good roommates for the next 2 weeks?

Submitted January 30, 2019 at 10:49AM by tellmeaboutit228 http://bit.ly/2RX2LWF