Throwaway because brother reddits frequently, knows my username, and I think he's subscribed to this sub. I changed some non-essential info but honestly he's not stupid and will probably see this and figure it out.
My brother is a good person who I have a lot in common with. I usually have a good time talking to him and playing games with him and just spending time with him. We've always been close but we've also always had some pretty huge fights too, as we both have pretty hot tempers. We had a rough childhood and the shared experience has been both beneficial and harmful to our relationship. I developed a need to always take care of everyone while he is basically a baby bird who never got kicked out of the nest.
He always had issues doing adult things, and as a result has lagged behind most people his age for most of his life. It took him a long time to get his license, for example. He had a strong upward turn that went very quickly all at once. It was like overnight he gained a bunch of maturity and went from needing rides to work every night to getting a license, getting a car, having a full time job, paying his bills on time, etc.
But then it's like he regressed recently and I'm not sure why.
Here are some things I've taken issue with lately:
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His car has been sitting in the driveway through three snow storms now. It needs tires but he has the tires, he just won't shovel the car out and get it on the road to the shop to put them on. Which wouldn't bother me except...
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He demands that our mom drive him to work. They work the same shift but not all their days line up so that means she's bringing him even on her days off, and when she asks for gas money he just complains.
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I have to shovel every time it snows, because otherwise it won't get done at all. If I ask him to shovel he'll spend a few minutes half assedly shoveling a useless part of the yard that doesn't need to be shoveled.
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He recently almost burned my house down because, even though I had spoken to him several times about not putting too many logs in the woodstove, he did again. The chimney malfunctioned and what could have been solved by shutting the door on the stove and suffocating the fire ended up being an ordeal where I had to put my son (2m) and animals in my car and call 911 because there was so much stuff in the stove that the door couldn't be shut
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We worked out an arrangement months and months ago that we would each have chores that are ours and we would always be the one to do them. I decided I'd do dishes, laundry, and sweeping/vacuuming. He agreed to do the cat boxes, feed the dogs, and take out the trash. I always do the dishes, laundry, and floors, but I also often take out the trash when it's gone days at overflowing, I've also done the cat boxes when they're so bad the cats refuse to use them, and I've also been woken up by his dog barking because my brother left for work without feeding him or telling me that I needed to feed him.
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When I call him out on anything, he deflects and turns it back onto me. For example, I told him via text that I wanted to talk about chores and I listed a few things that I was upset about and he lost his mind at me because he doesn't want me to text him anything important like that, it should only be done in person. Ok fine. When I bring it up in person, he either says yeah ok fine and then proceeds to change absolutely nothing or he gets angry and starts yelling.
Today was the final straw for me. I came home from work and there were garbage bags in my driveway instead of in the trash can they get collected from. I came inside briefly, said I didn't really appreciate that, and he said well I can't get to the trash can. I went out and yeah the path I had dug last time he did this was snowed in again because of the plow. So I got my boots on and my snowblower out (brand new because I figured I should have one if I'm doing all the shoveling), and went to business. I cleared a good half of the snow bank when my snowblower stops and makes a weird noise. I look and it's broken. The auger got caught and cracked by a frozen bag of trash that was left out last time the plow came and I must not have noticed that time before it got plowed up.
I went inside, sat down and told him what happened and that I wasn't happy about it. I said that he needs to be doing more around the house and when he can't get to the trash can, that's when he can pick up a shovel and dig a path like I do. He somehow turned it on me and it ended up being this big argument where he was trying to find anything at all that I had done wrong, including: having friends over without telling him, leaving a single plate on the table overnight, getting a dog when he didn't want a dog (fair enough I guess, but I take care of the dog 100%, I had told him I was planning on getting a dog and he didn't say anything about not wanting a dog, and also this is my house that he's just living in so I can only feel so guilty).
Anyway, it ended in me telling him I can't continue living like this and he needs to move out by spring. He continued to try to scream and argue with me and I just told him no, that's the end of it and he needs to be out by spring. He started slamming doors in my son's room and I told him if he continued I would call the police. He stopped and I didn't hear from him until he yelled at me when I scolded his dog for attacking a friend who had come over, saying that I had no right to discipline his dog. I told him that he should, then, and I left it at that. He's gone now, IDK for how long though because he left his stuff here and his dog who I guess I'm just supposed to take care of?
Extra potentially important info: The house technically belongs to a family member which is why I've never kicked him out before this. She leased the house out to me with option to buy basically, so it's not "mine" but it's more mine than his if that makes sense. She knows the situation at this point (from both sides) and has supported my decision. I pay all the expenses of the house - taxes, insurance, electric, heat, groceries, etc. He pays me about $400/month total for rent. He basically came with the house, as he lived here before I moved in, but he has never had any claim on the house.
I'm not sure exactly what I'm looking for from you all. A chance to vent? Validation? Did I do the right thing? Is there a way to fix my relationship with my brother? Any advice at all?
Tldr - my brother has not been pulling his weight with chores or anything else and I kicked him out today after a fight. I'm not sure exactly what I'm looking for from you all. A chance to vent? Validation? Did I do the right thing? Is there a way to fix my relationship with my brother? Any advice at all?
Submitted January 30, 2019 at 03:36PM by adultingsucks_ta http://bit.ly/2CU7MFb
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