Hi there,
About 3 months ago I caught my partner/recent ex messaging a former fling looking to meet up to talk about a relationship. The former fling insisted he was only interested if she'd sleep with him and she kept refusing. These messages went on for about three weeks. After confronting her, it stopped and I gave her a chance although there were a couple of instances of suspicious behavior that caused issues but she insisted it was nothing, all innocent and I had nothing to worry about. She saw how hurt and stressed it made me. Then, long story short, this last week I found out she was messaging guys from overseas on a website not necessarily designed for dating and her profile only mentioned she was looking for friends. I managed to get in contact with a guy on the other side of the world that she apparently was having friendly chats with but had blocked her (long story) and giving him as little information as possible asked if he could let me know what they spoke about. Basically she had been flirting, sending provocative photos (no nudes though), talking about how she was developing feelings for him and would like to date.
She had told him that she was having problems and wasn't really interested in her boyfriend (me) but was trying to see if things could be fixed. The subject of whether she was actually single was left ambiguous and apparently she didn't correct him when he mentioned something to her about us having broken up. While he had deleted everything after blocking her, he seemed very sincere, apologetic and seemed really out to help me so I have no reason not to believe him. Before I confronted her I told her how much the stuff in the past hurt me and got her to look me in the eyes and promise me nothing else was going on. She did, even swore on it, then I showed her the messages. She told me it was misunderstandings and lies. I asked her to show me other messages with guys on the website and she was at first really hesitant then outright refused, telling me I should trust her and that it was an invasion of privacy. The latter is fair enough, but I felt with everything that happened and our relationship at risk, there would be no harm in showing me friendly chats with randoms in other countries. I ended up telling the guy what she said and asked him if he could confirm there might be a misunderstanding. He went into a bit more detail and there's no doubt what she was doing.
I broke up with her and the for last few days her texts have been bouncing between hysterically upset, furious, indifferent but seems to have settled on desperate. She tells me she's deleted everything, is begging to give things another chance for a few weeks. I really want to. A part of me thinks she never intended to meet these guys because from the seconds I got to see of messages, they all appeared to be from different countries (has the flag beside their picture). So maybe she has an issue with validation and needs an ego boost from other guys despite my efforts to constantly build her up to reassure her insecurities. I certainly don't feel like I'm not enough or lesser because of her actions, and she tells me it's not because she's lacking anything from me but that she feels like it's an escape from reality to talk to people that don't know her and judge (I'm not sure what she meant by being judged). I might have already gone back if she was just completely honest and admitted she made a mistake, but she continues to deny flirting with these people, telling me it was never supposed to come off that way but wouldn't happen again regardless. Obviously I have an incredibly hard time trusting this. But I do love and care for this girl, regardless of if we break up or not. I think she has issues with needing attention and validation despite my best efforts to help. But she has lied to my face even when seeing how much pain I was in.
I wanted to hear from people that have cheated, emotionally or physically, on their partners in the past if possible (but any advice is welcome). Is it over between us and I'm just going to continually be strung along until she finally does land something she thinks is better? Or in your own experience did you find it was a mistake (or a few, such as my ex's case) that you really regretted and turned things around into a fully committed relationship?
Also worth noting is we have had a holiday booked for months which we were meant to go on very soon, from which a lot of money can't be refunded. I do wonder if she'd be as remorseful and desperate to get back together if the holiday wasn't locked in. I have offered to go as friends but she seems insistent she only wants to go as a couple so I'm not sure how to look at it.
TLDR: Girlfriend seems to be a serial emotional cheater but promises (again) this is the end. Is there any hope if I was to take her back? Experiences and thoughts from those that have cheated in the past much appreciated.
Submitted January 30, 2019 at 02:47PM by ChiliKeys http://bit.ly/2S2q1CV
No comments:
Post a Comment