GF gets disproportionally mad about insignificant things and it's causing a huge rift in our relationship

We've been together for about 6 years and she's always had a tendency to do this, but I just assumed it would get better over time. It hasn't and I'm starting to doubt whether or not these issues are actually as insignificant as they seem to me.

One of the first examples I can remember is that she would get mad at me if I didn't text her right when I woke up. I like to wake up, lie in bed for a bit, then take a shower, and while I eat breakfast I'll grab my phone and text her, check fb, etc. Sometimes when my alarm goes off I'll unlock my phone and it opens up on Whatsapp or FB automatically, so it would mark me as online. She would then see that I was online ~15 minutes before I texted her and she'd be mad that I didn't text her right away. To me that's not a big deal. So when she gets mad I'd always counter it by asking her why she was making such a big deal out of it, and sometimes these discussions would just spiral out of control.

This week again it's something similar. One of my best friends sent all of us an invitation on facebook to go to his housewarming. When I saw the invitation I just immediately marked myself as attending and then went back to work. Later she texted me "Oh so you're going to the housewarming?" and I'm like "Hell yeah it's my best friend's, why wouldn't I go?", and of course she's mad because I didn't discuss it with her before marking myself as attending. I don't get it. Just because I said that I'm going already doesn't mean that we can't go together?

After she texted that I didn't hear anything from her for the rest of the day. I knew she was going out with a friend in the evening, so I asked her before I went to bed how her evening was going, but no response. I only heard from her this morning, and when I asked her where she went with her friend she just said "It was on facebook, seems like that's how we communicate these days".

I'll admit that I got angry at that part because it's just vindictive and she's just looking for a fight with a comment like that.

These fights are sooooo incredibly exhausting and I find myself just being pushed away when she behaves like this. On her part, she feels like she isn't being heard when I "push back" on these issues instead of just saying "I'm sorry, I won't do it again in the future." The thing is, I don't want to apologize for these things, for the following reasons:

• First and foremost, I don't agree. I think that she should just learn to deal with small stuff like this without having it affect her this much.
• Even if I do apologize for one thing, the next week there'll be something else that she will get mad about
• I don't want to encourage this kind of behaviour and have her think that as long as she tells me that she's upset about something, she'll be able to "mold" me into her ideal boyfriend.

I don't mean to come across as if I don't listen to her at all or anything. If there's ever something where I actually missed the ball and did something that I can agree with that was wrong of me, of course I'll apologize and do better in the future. But for the small stuff like this... I just can't see how I did anything wrong here.

Am I just missing something here? I'm really at a total loss about how to handle these things.

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Edit: since there seems to be some confusion in the comments about how the facebook event thing went down, here's some more detail about it all:

Sometime during the day I received an invitation to a (private) event on facebook to go to my best friend's housewarming somewhere in March. She (along with a bunch of our other friends) were all invited. I saw the notification and thought "Oh hey awesome, let's go", so I marked myself as attending and went back to work.

A couple of hours later I received the following text:

Ah it looks like (my name) is going to the house warming

So I responded with

Of course. It's my best friends, no way I'm missing that. You're welcome to join of course.

She replied

It's just weird that I have to hear via FB that you're going

Then I replied that it didn't really matter that much and I asked her about something that she had going on, to which she simply replied "Good". After that I asked her how her night out with her friend was going and she never responded to that. This morning I tried calling her but it went to voicemail, about 20 minutes later she called me back and started an argument by being really passive aggressive about it ("I put it on facebook where I was so you shouldn't have asked me" or something to that effect) and it just spiraled from there.

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TL;DR: GF and I often have fights about insignificant issues. Don't know if they really are as insignificant as I think. What do?

Submitted January 31, 2019 at 06:10AM by tuloguwa http://bit.ly/2UwkvVH